Beyond All Of Everything
by lemonjelly
Summary: Abby is still married to Richard and with a kid, Ollie. It's not all happy but it's manageable until an encounter with Carter changes it all. COMPLETE
1. One Last Chance

**Hello all!**

**Welcome to the beginning of Beyond All Of Everything **

**And I DISCLAIM EVERYTHING!!! Except any new characters I invent, but nobody cares**

**This is a Carby – as usual.**

**And it's a PG-13 just to be sure as it contains some bad language. Tut tut. **

**Are 12 year olds allowed to hear the f-word (gasp)?**

**I don't see why not. No doubt they already know it.**

**Oh well. Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter One. One Last Chance.**

**Let me set the scene...**

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Richard Lockhart stands on the sidewalk by Chicago City Hall. He squints down the street and glances at his watch. It is five past one in the afternoon, just like it was last time he looked, and the time before that, and the time before that. Clicking his tongue impatiently, he wonders what could be taking her so long. He is, of course, waiting for Abby. He is waiting for his wife.

His face briefly creases with a smile rather than his usual frown as he lets this sentence run through his head. He is waiting for his wife. Ha! Not anymore. Soon, soon this'll all be over. They have talked it through as civilly as is possible – which isn't very civil when you're married to that bitch. But this is the best way forwards. Today they are doing something together for the first time since they got married: they are filing for divorce. Ok, so they won't be divorced instantly – it doesn't work like that, he knows. She'll probably make some outrageous claims – his Rolex, his car, his bank account. Hell, she can have it – he'd give his whole fucking house to be free of her. Soon, soon. It'd be even sooner if she'd turn up on time for once. That is _so _like her, messing up his whole day – she just can't get anything right. Selfish bitch. What could be taking her so long?

Richard cranes his neck and looks over the heads of the people roaming the streets. Where the hell is she?

* * *

Abigail Lockhart paces backwards and forwards in their bathroom. She bites her lip and checks the time. He'll be waiting. He'll be pissed off that she's so late. Well, screw him – he's always pissed off. Anyway, there are more important things on her mind. Like this, for example. She looks at the home pregnancy test in her hand. It is blue, just like it was the last time she checked, and the time before that, and the time before that.

Yes, that's right – she's pregnant. She groans and runs her fingers through her hair in exasperation. Why? Why did this happen? It was all going so well. Well, as well as can be expected with Richard. God, how the hell did she end up with such a top-of-the-range bastard? Just her luck, probably. Lucky, lucky her. And now they were about to finally end it. It was all going to have been over at long last. But now what? Now she's pregnant. Oh God and when she tells him, he'll think she's just trying to hang onto him. What could be further from the truth? This sucks. She thought it sucked pretty badly before but now it just sucks a million times worse. Wait a minute – _when_ she tells him? She doesn't _have_ to tell him, does she? He probably wouldn't care either way, let's face it.

Abby throws away the pregnancy test, grabs her coat and bag and leaves their house.

* * *

There she is, walking down the street. Richard rolls his eyes and grits his teeth, getting his 'I don't care' look ready for her.

"Sorry I'm late," she says, not sounding sorry at all.

"That's okay," Richard retorts, when it's obviously not. "What took you so long?" Abby looks at him for a long time with a strange expression on her face. God, if she's gonna take _this_ long in answering then she can just forget it – it's not like he really cared.

"Forget it; it doesn't matter," he snaps and turns away. Abby scowls at his back but a part of her feels guilty. She should tell him. She really should tell him – he has a right to know. Even assholes deserve _some _rights.

"Richard, wait," she relents. He turns around having perfected his indifferent expression. "I'm pregnant." And suddenly the expression is wiped off his face.

"What? Is it mine?" he asks, in disbelief. She glares at his audacity.

"Right, well I really shouldn't have told you at all."

"No, no wait." He grabs her arm. "Abby – in that case, maybe we could work this out." Abby arches a cynical eyebrow.

"What?" she asks, sceptically. "Richard, just cos I'm pregnant doesn't mean I like you any _more_."

"But Abby – it could work out," he insists.

"Are you crazy?"

"No. I think this would be the right thing to do. A kid needs a Dad."

"You _are_ crazy."

"I just would like to be there for my kid – and for you."

"I don't need you to 'be there' for me."

"Come on, Abby. Has it really been so bad? We're both adults; we can work this out."

"Richard – " Abby begins.

"What? Why not? Go on, Abby – give this another chance. Please?" He forces the last word out. God, he can't believe he's pleading with _Abby_.

"Fine," she sighs. She can't believe he actually said 'please'. He must be desperate. "Fine, we'll give it a go."

That was stupid.

The stupidest thing she had ever done, by far. If she had had that chance again – the chance at divorce – she would've taken it without a second thought. But she walked away from that golden chance of freedom and went to lunch with Richard instead. She stayed with him, despite all hell he'd put her through. And, as it happened, she had so much more to come. Why she didn't leave then is anybody's guess. But she stayed with him, then and she is still with him now. After seven long years.


	2. Just For You

**Thanks plenty to:**

**Steelerfan, Hibbs, Lilkimi88, leslet, starbright and britgirl2003 (as ever) for all the early encouragement**

**Carter does not feature in this chapter**

**This is mainly to introduce Abby's current life**

**But he does make an appearance in the next one, promise**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Two. Just For You**

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**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 1: Abby finds out she's pregnant. She and Richard don't divorce.

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ABOUT SIX YEARS LATER

A sudden burst of sunlight floods the room. Abby Lockhart flinches and recoils back into the darkness of her duvet, vaguely murmuring incomprehensible words. Small feet pad across the bedroom carpet and small hands, the same ones that had wrenched open the curtains to let in the morning light, gently inch back the covers. Oliver Elliot Lockhart was born on the 8th of June and weighed 7lbs 6oz – but that was almost six years ago. Currently, the five-year old boy is poking his head under the blankets of his mother's bed and smiling broadly as she blearily opens her eyes.

"You have to get up now, Mom," he whispers. Abby groans.

"Already?" she complains.

"But you have to go to work," he says, firmly. Then he adds as an afterthought: "And I kinda have to go to school." She smiles and sits up, slowly.

"Yes, you do, even though you are the most brilliant boy in the whole world," she mumbles as she pulls him onto her lap. "You're fantastic and I love you. Have I told you that?"

"Every morning," Ollie replies. Abby wraps her arms around him and rocks him in her lap while she buries her face in his brown hair and kisses the top of his head.

"Well that's cos it's true. And I'm always right, aren't I?" she murmurs into his hair.

Ollie grins, cheekily and shakes his head. She draws back with an expression of exaggerated indignation.

"What was that?" she growls in his ear, feigning anger. He giggles and squirms in her lap so he can turn to face her.

"Nope," he chirps and even dares to poke his tongue out at her. Abby grins back and lets him wriggle off the bed. He is now jumping and dancing animatedly, in his pyjamas and bare feet, by the side of the bed. His face is split in an excited smile, part terrified and part deliriously gleeful.

"Right, well in that case –" she begins firmly, lunging across the bed to grab him but letting him run off, shrieking with laughter. "I'll get you for that!" she yells after him and smiles to herself.

"Get ready for school, okay?" she calls out. Then she falls back on the pillows, moaning as her pager begins to bleep somewhere in her room. When she eventually crawls out of bed she has to kick aside many empty vodka bottles before she can find the source of the beeping. Her head spins and throbs, so she swallows a few pills with water before getting up to get breakfast for Ollie.

* * *

"Hold my hand," Abby instructs as the EL pulls into the station. "Hold my hand, honey. This is our stop." Ollie grabs her hand and together they leap off onto the platform. She checks the time on the station clock.

"Oh crap!" she mutters. Ollie giggles and looks up at her. Abby notices his innocent wide-eyed stare and imitates him with her own faux-shocked expression.

"What? It's nothing that you haven't already heard from your father," she tugs on Ollie's colourful backpack to make sure it's on correctly. "Right, we gotta run cos we're late."

"I'm not late," Ollie insists. Abby smiles at his adamant tone.

"Well, I am. So let's get going."

Still holding tightly onto his hand she begins to run out of the station and towards County General.

"Come on, honey, come on," she calls as she races down the sidewalks. Ollie is lagging behind.

"Mommy, I'm tired," he whimpers. She stops and looks at him, thoughtfully. Then, with a flourish, she scoops him into her arms and carries on running as Ollie hoots with laughter.

_Man, I wouldn't be able to do this if I still smoked_, she thinks while she sprints across the street, avoiding the other pedestrians.

"Coming through! Excuse me! Get out of the way!" Ollie yells out as the people scatter to get out of the way of the speeding child and his frantic mother. At last, they arrive outside County General Hospital and she puts him down on the ground.

"Boy, you're heavy," Abby gasps. "What have you been eating? You're pretty big for a five-year old." She takes the hand of the boy who is actually fairly small for his age.

"It's because I'm almost six," he informs her, proudly. She ruffles his hair as she leads him into the hospital.

"Really? When?" she asks, surprised.

"In three weeks," he reminds her, genuinely believing she'd forgotten.

"Hey," Abby greets Susan at the desk. "Am I late?" Susan glances at the board and then at her watch.

"Yeah, I guess you are – but Kerry hasn't said anything so you got away with it," she answers. Then she peers over the desk and sees Ollie smiling up at her. "Hey Ollie."

"Good morning," he chirps, politely and Susan laughs slightly.

"Shouldn't you be going to school?"

"I've gotta take him in about an hour," Abby explains. "Reckon I could get away with that, too?"

"All I can say is, good luck to you on that one," she takes a small stack of charts and heads off. "Bye Ollie."

"Bye," he calls. Abby leads him to the Doctor's Lounge.

"So, what do you want for your birthday?" she asks him. He looks up at her.

"I want you to stop getting drunk," he tells her. She stops dead outside the door and looks around her.

"What have I told you about talking about home things outside?" she hisses at him. Ollie cowers.

"Sorry," he squeaks, meekly. He is truly scared and it breaks her heart.

"No, I'm sorry," she sighs heavily and hugs him. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Please? For my birthday?" he asks. They walk into the Doctor's Lounge and she sits him up on the sofa.

"Ok then," she relents. "Alright." She takes out his puzzle book from his backpack and puts it on his lap.

"Promise?"

"I promise" she nods, reluctantly. "And I'll buy you something else for your birthday, too." Then she smiles and kisses him.

"You stay right here. I'll come and check on you later, ok?" Abby orders him. He nods vigorously as she leaves the Lounge.

Once outside, she leans against the door and sighs again. Giving up drink was easier said than done, but a promise was a promise and a promise made to Ollie was the most important kind. She would do it – she knows she will – even though it will be difficult. But she'd get through anything if only so she wouldn't have to hear him tell her that all he wanted for his sixth birthday was for her to stay sober.


	3. Fidelity

**Well I have to say thanks to loads of you – you're great**

**LoopyLu1, starbright, Hibbs, HappyAbby, ficticious character, steelerfan, abbyl and squiggle 7**

**Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou **

**Carter appears in this one – it's what you've all been waiting for**

**And I hope I don't disappoint**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Three. Fidelity**

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**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 2: Ollie (Abby's son) asks for her to stay sober as a sixth birthday present.

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"You all ready for bed?" Abby calls as she hops into the living room, attempting to pull on a shoe whilst she walks. She tugs it on and catches sight of her five-year old son asleep on the couch; he has toothpaste dried around his mouth and she laughs slightly.

"Well, almost," she murmurs as a reply to her own question. She gently lifts him from the sofa; he stirs and mumbles. As she lays him down on his own bed, he opens one eye and peers at her.

"I'm going out in a moment, but I promise I won't be gone for long," she whispers. He opens both eyes.

"Will you be home before – "

"I'll be home before Daddy gets back," she nods, running her hand over his forehead and through his hair. His mouth curves up in a small satisfied smile and he closes his sleepy eyes again. Abby carefully wipes away the toothpaste with a wet flannel; brushing his own teeth was not his strong point. Then she kisses him softly and leaves the apartment.

* * *

Now she is sitting on a plastic chair in the community hall. She hopes they don't do that whole introducing thing; she can't imagine herself saying, in her most whiny, put-on voice: 'Hi, my name's Abby and I'm an alcoholic.' Just the thought of it made her cringe; Ollie had no idea what he was putting her through.

"Abby?" a familiar voice behind her asks in disbelief. She turns to find Dr John Carter, a guy from work, standing there. He smiles on seeing her, though he looks surprised.

"Hey, didn't expect to see anyone I knew here," she greets. He looks awkward; they both have a lot of explaining to do now that they have been caught here at the meeting. "What are you doing here?" she asks.

Ah, the dreaded question. It seems fair enough to want to ask but not something anyone particularly wants to answer.

"Erm – I was addicted to – " He rubs the back of his neck, uneasily. "Well, painkillers mainly."

"Wow, any reason why?" she presses before adding: "I'm sorry; if this is more than you want to share you can just tell me to shut up." He laughs.

"No, it's – it's something I'd rather not go into, actually." Carter smiles briefly. "How about you?"

"I'm a drunk," Abby shrugs simply.

"Any particular story behind that?" he asks. She looks at him for a while before shaking her head.

"No, no reason," she says finally. He nods but looks at her curiously. Not many people knew Abby at work. Well, she was the kind of person who you thought you knew until you started to think in depth about her and then you realised that you really didn't. She didn't let people get too close. He knew she had a son, Ollie. He'd seen him around; cute kid – very polite. He knew she had had to pull out of med school because she fell pregnant and he had heard she was married, though nobody had actually seen her husband.

The meeting begins and flows on but he is barely aware of it. Now that he comes to think of it, he doesn't know her at all. He finds that he spends the whole hour staring at her and that whenever he hears her voice he strains his ears, guiltily eavesdropping, intrigued and trying to find out anything more about this woman. Suddenly he wants to know more. This wasn't Abby who was called for when they needed to bag a patient or fit an IV tube – this was…she was something else altogether.

"Is she always that patronising?" Abby mutters, referring to their tutor, when the meeting is over and the chairs are stacked.

"Huh?" John Carter is jolted back to reality. He had stared at her for so long he had forgotten that he, himself, existed.

"This is my first time; is she always so patronising?" Abby repeats. Carter grins.

"Who? Amanda? Yeah, I think she used to be a kindergarten teacher," he replies. Abby raises her eyebrows.

"Ah, that'd explain it," she smiles. "Did the kids not have enough drug and alcohol problems to keep her interested?"

"Maybe they had too many," Carter answers with a smirk.

"John and Abby – please will you shut off the lights as you leave?" Amanda calls in an unnaturally high and singing voice. Carter and Abby look around them; they hadn't realised they were the last ones left. They turn back to each other at the same time, holding the gaze for only a moment; they both break away and look shyly at the floor.

"Would you like you get a drink or something?" Carter suggests, finally looking up. Abby smiles briefly.

"Well you're a great help – I come here to get sober and after one meeting you're trying to get me drunk," she jokes.

"No, no I meant coffee or something – I didn't mean – " Carter stutters, hurriedly.

"Carter, I was kidding. Calm down," Abby reassures him. "Coffee sounds good."

John and Abby obediently shut off the lights as they leave.

* * *

She sits in the booth, her hands wrapped around the warm mug of coffee. He watches her and strangely begins to feel strongly over the coffee cup in her hands – it's jealously. He smiles to himself in the comfortable silence; they have talked about almost everything and he was still left clueless and curious about this woman. And he's envying her drink. Ha! But still – her fingers surround the whole ceramic mug and then she lifts the edge to her lips… He has got to stop thinking like this; there, twinkling on her finger is a small, but very real wedding ring.

Abby peers out of the window into murky darkness; it's quiet here, calm, warm and cosy. She could stay here on these fake leather seats, her elbows on this plastic table-top and her company being this very man – forever... She shakes herself suddenly. Where did that thought come from? Frowning confusedly and slightly surprised at herself, she looks back at him. He is deeply studying his hands in his lap and the parts of his face that are visible are tinged pink. He finally looks casually up at her, desperately attempting to act like he hadn't been staring at her for hours on end.

"Oh God, what's the time?" Abby asks him, suddenly. Carter's sleeve slides back to let him check his watch.

"Nine o'clock," he tells her.

"Already?" she looks flustered.

"Yeah, it went pretty quick, didn't it?" he comments. She is already on her feet and frantically gathering up her things.

"Oh Jesus, I promised Ollie I'd get back before…" she rushes the explanation and waves a hand, vaguely to dismiss the end of the sentence. "I'm sorry. Thankyou. Oh crap. I've got to – erm. Thanks, John. Sorry, I have to go. Now."

Carter watches her, fascinated and dazed.

"Thanks for coffee," she says, finally, having gathered up her coat, her purse, her cell phone, her everything in a big bundle. "I'll see you tomorrow." She kisses his cheek and is gone.

It was too quick for her to contemplate whether or not it was appropriate to kiss him just yet, but she was in a rush and did it anyway. Only now he's left to think about it too much. He gets up and leaves, thrusting his hands deep into his coat pockets as he steps out into the dark night. A cab rolls by but he doesn't hail it. Maybe he'll just walk home.

She is running up the stairs; there is no point in having an elevator in her building – it never works.

_Please, please – please don't be home. _She prays as she dashes, breathless, up the stairs. She fumbles with her key in the lock but the door swings open for her.

"Where've you been?" Richard snarls. She almost feels like turning around and running back down the stairs when she sees him leering at her. She almost feels like running out and back down the streets – back to the late-night diner where she imagines John Carter is still sitting, waiting…

"Where the hell've you been?" Richard demands. "What good are you? Running off in the middle of the night? Some mother you are." Abby looks past him to see Ollie peering around his bedroom door, crying. She forces a smile for him and turns back to her husband.

"I'm back, now. It doesn't matter where I've been. It doesn't matter cos now I'm back, aren't I?" she tells him, quietly. The reasoning is too much for Richard's mind, clouded by alcohol, to register. He grabs her hand and pulls her inside.

"Just shut up, Abby. Always have an answer to everything, don't you?" he mutters.

Abby compels herself to look at her little boy to remind herself of why she always comes back. Ollie chews on his bottom lip and scrubs the tears from his face with his pyjama sleeve. He uncertainly returns her smile and disappears back into his room as Richard slams the front door shut. She needs to remember her reasons behind everything she does; she needs to keep that in mind. Otherwise, she thinks, otherwise if she had it her way, she'd return to a very different home at the end of each day.


	4. Coming Down

**PLENTY of well-deserved thanks goes to:**

**AngelDust, britgirl2003, sam, KayH, evileyeandsmyle and starbright.******

**…I like Ollie, too – if I'm allowed to say that. **

**He's kinda cute**

**But Richard is, indeed, damn scary**

**And when does the Carby start, you ask?**

**Well, right now!**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Four. Coming Down**

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**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 3: Abby meets Carter at AA meeting. They go for coffee afterwards but she is late home and Richard is pissed off.

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Dr Susan Lewis flips through the charts: Chest pain; possible fracture of the wrist; second-degree burns. She considers them – all pretty routine – and opts to take the chest pain, in curtain three, first. As she juggles the chart to the top her pile, she looks over the top and sees Carter and Abby. He is leaning on the desk and talking animatedly about something she can't make out. Abby watches him with a growing smile. Her hair is worn down, partially hiding her face, but her eyes flicker up and down him, lingering on his face. Susan grins to herself.

Over in the corner, a dazed patient suddenly crawls, groggily from his bed and brings a tray crashing to the ground. Abby leaves to help the patient back into bed whilst Susan approaches Carter.

"Don't think I didn't see that." Her voice appearing from apparently nowhere surprises him. He turns to see Susan smirking at him.

"What?" he asks, innocently – he can't stop the smile spreading across his face.

"Well I think it's good to see you, you know, moving on." Susan glances at his face to check he knows what she means – after what happened to Lucy.

"We're just friends," Carter insists. "We're kind of helping each other out."

"Is that what you kids call it nowadays?" Susan replies slyly.

"She's married." Carter answers and smiles triumphantly at Susan's shocked expression.

"Really?" she asks, in disbelief. Carter has already begun to walk off, but the back of his head nods.

"Yep," he yells. Susan shifts her charts onto her hip and wanders off to curtain three, frowning confusedly, realising that, in actual fact, she knows nothing about Abby Lockhart.

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"She's married. She's married," Carter mutters to himself but finds that his feet are walking him to her place, anyway. He can't go there; he shouldn't. But yet, here he is – walking the sidewalks in the late evening and undoubtedly heading towards her.

"You're stupid, this is wrong," he hisses to himself, but he's not listening.

"We're just friends. It's harmless." He insists, jabbing furiously at the elevator button in Abby's building. He gets nothing – it must be broken. Shaking his head and still talking to himself, he climbs the stairs: "Of course it's harmless; I don't need to make excuses. We're friends, nothing more." He finds himself outside her door.

"Just friends." He mumbles before knocking on the door. There's a scrabbling at the door and it swings open.

"You're early -" Abby begins before looking up at Carter's sheepish face. Is it just him or did he see a hint of relief in her face when she saw him? "Oh. Hello."

"Hi," he smiles awkwardly. "I came to…erm…see how you were."

"I'm fine," she answers, breathlessly with a smile. A small boy in pyjamas peers around a door and then comes cautiously out of his room.

"Hey," Carter waves at the kid who clings, nervously, to Abby's leg. She kneels down and strokes his face.

"It's okay, Ollie. This is John – he's a friend from work." She tells him.

"Hi, Ollie," Carter tries again. Ollie waves, but hides his face in the folds of Abby's jeans.

"Hello," he replies, meekly as Abby picks him up.

"Come in, come in," she ushers Carter inside and shuts the door. "Do you want some coffee or something?" She leads him into the kitchen. With Ollie still sitting on her hip and twisting strands of her hair around his fingers, Abby begins to search through the cupboards for some coffee. Carter sits on the edge of a stool and stares around him, taking in everything.

"How do you normally take your coffee?" she asks but gets no reply. "John?"

"Hmm?" he responds, vaguely. She tries again:

"How do you normally take your – " she turns and sees him staring at the floor with a strange expression. "What?" Carter says nothing but leans down to pick up the object that's caught his attention. He sets it down on the table and looks at her. A heavy sinking feeling slips down her insides as she looks between him and the wine bottle now standing on the worktop. She puts Ollie down on the floor.

"Go to bed, honey," she tells him and kisses his forehead quickly. "It's past your bedtime – I'll come and say goodnight soon." Ollie obediently runs off and Abby shuts the kitchen door behind him.

"Carter – " she begins uneasily. "It really isn't like it seems."

"What is it then?"

"I didn't drink any, the cork's still in."

"But you were going to."

"I didn't, though."

"So that makes it alright?" he demands. "It's okay because I came before you could open it. Isn't that what happened?"

"It isn't easy, Carter." She sighs.

"Yeah, I know," he snaps. "I've been through it all, remember?"

"Then why are you getting so pissed off?"

"Because you're weak."

"Thanks." She snaps back, getting annoyed herself.

"Well you're welcome. I got through it – I don't see why you can't."

"Just because you're okay now, doesn't mean we all are."

"Look, I don't see what's so wrong with your life. You're married, you've got a kid and you're doing okay. So, I'm sorry if you feel that life is picking on you, Abby. I'm sorry if you feel that everything seems unfair on you but as far as I can see, this is all for no reason. No reason but yourself. Correct me if I'm wrong, Abby, but everything is working out for you. It's not like you're in great poverty or that you've got nobody in your life or that someone you loved was attacked and killed." Carter begins to raise his voice.

"Don't shout in my apartment," she tells him calmly.

"There's nothing wrong with your life, is there?" he repeats.

"No," she answers finally. He smiles superiorly and she can't bring herself to look at him.

"It's just you, then Abby. You're just going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself." His voice is tinged with pure disgust. "Well go ahead. Drink your happy life away and tell yourself that nobody cares about you and that nothing is worth living for. You're just weak." The last word is spat out with such anger that it sort of reverberates around the tiled room.

"You're right," she says, quietly. "I am. So help me."

"Huh?" Carter stares at her.

"Help me." She never thought she'd find herself saying these words, ever. "Please?" She looks up at him and his expression has softened.

"I'm sorry for shouting," he whispers and draws her into a hug.

"That's okay," she mumbles, resting her head on his chest.

"It won't get much harder than this, Abby." He promises her. "You get past this first day and it'll be alright." He feels her nodding slowly. "I'll help you."

They stand together in the silence and, between Carter's quickened heartbeat, Abby hears a car door slam somewhere on the street far below. She jerks out of his arms and runs to the window, peering down. She sees Richard saunter towards their block.

"You have to go now," she pushes Carter out of the kitchen and opens the front door.

"What?" he frowns, confused.

"My husband's home."

"Can't I meet him?" he asks. She gives a short, sour laugh.

"I'm sorry. Thankyou for coming round," she shoves him out of the door.

"Abby – "

"I'll see you tomorrow, Carter."

"But – "

"You've been great." She looks at him, standing puzzled and disorientated in the hall. She smiles softly; he must think that she's crazy. "But you have to go now."

"Will you be okay?" he asks, concerned. She nods. There's a pause as he debates in his head whether or not he should…

He kisses her. They stand, watching each others' eyelashes flicker, inches apart. His hand is still cradling the side of her face. Then she pulls back and shuts the door. In the empty living room, she leans her back against the door and sighs so deeply it slides her down the door to sit on the floor.

She is coming down and they say that the first twenty-four hours are the hardest. Abby sits, head in her knees and she wonders if she will be able to go without. It seems impossible and yet so strange; she misses him already.


	5. We All Have Moments

**Thank you very very much all who reviewed chapter 4**

**This includes:**

**BananaBelle****, starbright, sam (good luck with those exams!), rae10!! and dracula5555**

**Also thanks for a kind of confusing one from carbytothecore which was just:**

**o**** shit**

**A bit confused over that one… but YES ok.**

**So here we are, it's chapter 5 and, as ever: Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Five. Our Moments**

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**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 4: Carter goes round to see that Abby is okay and, after some yelling, agrees to help her.

**o**

**o**

**o**

Carter hurriedly dumps his stuff in his locker and marches straight to the admin desk, ignoring the many shouts from patients asking after their labs or whether they can go home yet. Right now, he has his own question to ask.

"Is Abby in yet?" he asks Jing-Mei Chen, who's signing off a chart.

"No," she answers, without looking up. "She called in sick a few minutes ago." Then she looks up with a growing smile. "What did you two get up to?"

"What? Nothing." He replies, innocently and starting to feel a little self-conscious. "Why do you ask that?"

"Ah, well Susan's told me all about it," she grins at him.

"What is there to tell? What did she tell you?" Now Carter is smiling, despite himself and Jing-Mei is walking away, still grinning away. Before, when Susan and Deb teased him about the women he was dating, he would just let them have their fun. He didn't know why he was denying it so persistently this time, but it was certainly turning out to be much more interesting for Chen and Lewis.

* * *

It has been two days and Carter can't help feeling a little rejected. He has neither seen nor spoken to her in two days. Was she avoiding him? Was that kiss on her doorstep totally out of line? Was it the guilt of cheating on her husband? Oh god, he had encouraged her to cheat on her husband. But then she had been the one that asked for help. But that was help as a friend. But she hadn't pulled away when he'd kissed her. Surely she would've stopped it if it wasn't the right thing to do?

He was reading far too much into this. Maybe she was just ill, like she said she was.

Maybe. He thought of the two of them standing together in her kitchen and how nervous yet somehow thrilled he has felt.

Maybe he should stop thinking about her so much. It was driving him insane.

He should definitely stop thinking about her.

And then, just as John Carter makes a personal pledge to himself to see how long he could go without thinking about Abby Lockhart, he rounds the corner and spots her in a darkened exam room. The blinds are half closed and it's very dark inside. It feels a tiny bit obsessive that he can recognise her simply from the curve of her shoulder and the way her hair falls across it but he wipes the thoughts from his mind and pushes the door open quietly.

"Feeling better?" he asks, softly. Abby turns, startled but as soon as she sees him, a guilty expression sweeps her face.

"Erm, yes – thanks." She answers hurriedly. He frowns slightly.

"What're you doing in here anyway?" he asks.

"Uh – I was just – well I was kind of…" she trails off. Carter looks around her; she is in the middle of bandaging her wrist.

"What's going on? What happened?"

"I sort of sprained it," she explains. "It's not too bad; it just needs a little support." Carter nods slowly and comes to sit opposite her.

"Here," he takes up the end of the bandage and unrolls it to look at it. "Let me help you out with this." Abby says nothing but watches him inspect the sprain under the light of a small desk lamp.

"How did this happen?" he asks as he works. Abby sighs – she had dreaded this inevitable question. She rubs her eyes with her other working hand.

"Carter – I was drunk." She tells him. His breath catches in his throat and he freezes momentarily though he doesn't look up. There's a long and awkward pause.

"So, can you wiggle your fingers?" he carried on, switching into professional mode.

"John – "

"Okay, so does it hurt here?" he pressed on her wrist and moves up it, refusing to look at her.

"John – listen to me." She urges and then breathes in sharply when he touches the bruised area of her wrist.

"Well, it's not a fracture," he speaks formally. "It should heal pretty quickly as long as you don't put any unnecessary pressure on it. I'll wrap it up for you."

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" she murmurs. He looks up at her.

"I just don't know why you do this." He sighs. "After all we said – I told you I'd help you out."

"You _are_ helping." She insists.

"Yes, but are you?" he replies. Abby runs her tongue over her dry lips.

"If it makes you feel any better, I know it was stupid and I know that I'm weak. And I hate myself for it."

"Why would that make me feel better? Knowing that you're beating yourself up over this isn't going to stop you doing it again." He answers.

"No, I know – you're right." She whispers. Carter gazes at her – she does look completely disappointed in herself – she's let herself down.

"Listen, Abby. It's okay," he tucks a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and smiles slightly. "We all have moments – our weak points and times. It's easier to let go. But you know it's a mistake. You just need to get past this; it's just an addiction. It's just a stupid psychological glitch that's made you think you need it. You don't. You don't need it."

He finishes wrapping her wrist up and glances up. It is silent in the room and it's dark. She watches him like she's waiting for something but he knows he must not kiss her again. It's not fair on her. He can't make her feel like she's being unfaithful again – she already has enough on her mind.

"Well, we better get back to work." Carter shatters the silence. "Susan and Deb would never let me forget it if they found us in her with all the lights turned down." Abby laughs slightly. They leave the room together and she spends the rest of her working day going through all possible reasons of why he didn't kiss her.


	6. The Window Seat

**HappyAbby****, Dracula5555, squiggle7, sam, britgirl2003, starbright and carbytothecore**

**Thank you all very much for plenty of great reviews there**

**Carbytothecore**** – you asked after Ollie and Richard, right?**

**They feature in this Chapter**

**Along with a whole load of good ol' carby fun**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Six. The Window Seat**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 5: Abby hurts her wrist and explains to Carter it was because she was drunk.

**o**

**o**

**o**

"We need one more person to go up to the roof – there's a MVA victim coming in by chopper," Lewis calls out as she wheels a gurney towards the lifts. Carter looks around him.

"I'll come," he offers when nobody else does. He finishes treating a patient and pulls off his gloves, chucking them into a nearby bin as he jogs after her.

"Hurry up!" Jing-Mei is holding the lift door for him and as he slips inside he's greeted by two suspicious grins.

"So – " Susan begins, the smiles on their faces widening. "Jing-Mei and I have got a theory…"

"About what?" Carter asks, with raised eyebrows, though he already knows.

"About you and Abby," Chen begins. Carter covers his ears with both hands.

"This isn't fair," he cries, standing in between the two women. "Two against one!"

"So we were thinking that you and her…" Susan shouts so he can hear her.

"I can't hear you!" he yells back, humming and singing loudly with his hands clamped over his ears. Jing-Mei watches him for a while.

"God, sometimes men can be so immature," she tells Susan. Susan nods in agreement and Chen struggles to keep a straight face as Susan pulls faces at the back of Carter's head.

After the MVA trauma, Carter slipped away quickly to escape Jing-Mei and Susan; he stole away into the Doctor's Lounge and peered out through the blinds in case they came after him.

"Aren't you a little old to be playing hide and seek?" a friendly voice comes from behind him. Abby is at her locker and pulling on her coat. He turns with a smile.

"When it's hiding from Susan and Deb, it's not a game." He replies. Abby grins.

"I know the feeling, hiding from Romano," she answers. "Will you cover for me? I have to go and pick up Ollie from school." Carter shrugs.

"Sure," he nods. "But only if you'll go to dinner with me tonight."

"John – I don't know…" Abby hesitates. "I've got to look after Ollie."

"Well he can come too," Carter reasons. "And anyway, I could always get a lot angrier about the whole incident earlier." Abby picks at the bandage around her right wrist and raises her eyebrows.

"Isn't that classed as blackmail?"

"Yes, yes it is." Carter says calmly. Abby rolls her eyes, smiling all the same.

"Okay, okay," she relents. "I'll be back with Ollie in about twenty minutes."

She walks out of the lounge and Carter watches after her. As she turns the corner and disappears, Susan cruises down the hall, suspiciously looking for somebody. Carter throws himself down onto the Doctor's Lounge sofa. He lies there, staring up at the ceiling with a smile on his face; he can only imagine their 6th grade glee if they found out that he was taking Abby out to dinner tonight.

* * *

John Carter grabs his coat and heads out of County to see what's taken Abby so long – she hasn't been back the Lounge for nearly an hour. He gets his answer as he steps outside – there's Abby and Ollie playing basketball in the bay.

"Go ahead," Abby encourages Ollie, who's bouncing the ball. "Take a shot, honey." The hoop is too high and Ollie can't help but feel a little daunted. He jumps – he won't make it, he hasn't scored any. But for some reason this jump is taking him higher and higher; the hoop is suddenly so close that he just puts the ball through.

"I did it!" he yells, delighted. Carter sets the boy back down on the ground.

"Did you see it, Mom?" Ollie whoops. Carter grins at Abby who picks up Ollie and swings him around to perch on her hip again.

"Yeah I saw it – it was great," Abby enthuses. "Nice going, kid."

It's as if nothing needs to be said; Carter finds himself guiding Abby along the streets towards the restaurant with his arm around her as Ollie chats to both of them. The simple synchronisation of them together is so perfectly in time that it all flows – conversation, movement. They come to a halt outside an immaculate, upmarket restaurant and Carter ushers Ollie and Abby inside.

"Your table, Dr Carter." The waiter swoops upon them and swiftly guides them to Carter's reserved table. Abby grips Ollie's hand tighter although there's no chance of him getting lost – he is in fact quite enjoying the rich and classy atmosphere; she is holding onto him more for herself.

"You should've told me where we were going," she hisses to Carter as he sits opposite her.

"Then it wouldn't have been a surprise," he replies with a smile. She raises her eyebrows and flicks at her hair so it swings down, hiding herself.

"I feel underdressed," she admits, using a soft laugh to make it wash past like a casual comment.

"I think you look great," Carter assures her.

"Well you would say that, wouldn't you?" Abby speaks into her menu as she hides the rush of red to her cheeks that she couldn't stop from coming.

* * *

"Hide!"

It is halfway through the meal when Carter suddenly yells out. He has his menu propped up and is ducked behind it, his chin on the table top.

"Huh?" Abby is looking at him as though he is completely insane.

"Get down!" he holds up her menu against at the window. Abby obediently takes cover behind it.

"Would you like to tell me what's going on?" she asks.

"It's Susan and Deb. I shouldn't have booked the window seat." He whispers. She peers through the gap between the two menus and sees the two of them strolling down the street. Carter quickly pushes the two menus together and flattens himself down onto the table.

"Ohh…" Abby realises and then begins to laugh.

"What?" he asks but is soon chuckling at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Ollie?" Abby murmurs after a while. "Can you take a look and tell me if you can see two women – one with blonde and one with black hair – outside?" Ollie kneels up on the seat and presses his face against the window.

"Nope," he chirps then looks around at the two adults hiding behind their menus. "Can I play?"

* * *

Abby is walking up the stairs. It's back to her own place now. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want it to end, but Ollie is flopped over her shoulder asleep and it's late. Keys click in the lock, day in, day out – she will always come back to this place. She hates it.

Ollie's head dangles downwards – too tired to hold it up as he is set down onto his bed. It is ten minutes to midnight and he usually sleeps at seven-thirty. Abby works quietly and gently to change him out of his day clothes but he wakes as she pulls his pyjama top over his head.

"Shh – it's okay," she soothes and kisses his forehead as he starts to whimper; it is far too late for him. He moans sleepily before sliding underneath the covers and going back to sleep.

"Had fun?" There's a voice at his bedroom door that makes her freeze. Abby leaves Ollie's room, shutting the door so he won't have to hear whatever comes next.

"I thought you were out of town." She murmurs.

"Well, y'know, I was walking to the EL," Richard begins, "when I saw this happy family sitting in a restaurant. But then I thought – wait a minute, that's _my _son with some strange man. And that's _my _lying, cheating, whore of a wife in there."

By now he is shouting; Abby can't believe it could go so wrong – how come every single sacred happy thing in her life has to be tainted? Carter was right – he shouldn't have booked the window seat.


	7. Weakness

**Thanks for reviews from: **

**ER-Carby-Luva, Kim, Hibbs, sam, KayH, starbright, carbytothecore and carby luva 313**

**This is slightly darker**

**All possible questions will probably be answered further on in the fic**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Seven. Weakness**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 6: Susan and Jing-Mei tease Carter. He takes Abby and Ollie out for dinner. They hide from Susan and Jing-Mei but Richard sees them, instead.

**o**

**o**

**o**

On the ceiling of the Lockharts' living room there are four small holes where a light used to hang and one in the middle for the cable. It was there when they bought it. She remembers: a tacky, pretentious chandelier, most probably made of plastic. They took it down. White paint has been brushed over the holes, spoiling the perfect circles but not hiding them as she suspects was intended.

Abby makes a mental note of this as she lies on the wood laminate floor; this may be important information that she needs to take in. The Lockharts live in condo 16 which is on the fourth floor. She's pretty impressed that she's remembered this, considering.

"Oh fuck," she mutters and her words come out slurred. How the hell did she get to this state again? Carter won't stand for this again. He's freaked out and given her chances too many times. This is the third and there is no way she's going to get forgiven this time.

There's a cut on her forehead; she knows this because it hurts and there is blood on her fingertips when she touches it. In her semi-conscious state she surveys the room, realising that she's leaning on against a table – she must've fallen and caught her head on it.

It's spinning. Oh crap, the room is spinning. She needs to be sick but she can't – she doesn't think she'll be able stand up and make it to the bathroom. Take a deep breath, Abby. Just don't puke up, whatever you do. Okay, right, focus on something. Seriously, everything is moving. What is its problem?

"Stop it," she mumbles but the room isn't listening. "Oh, this is messed up."

Right – her gaze falls on the window. Sure, focus on the window, the curtains. The window frame is painted white, too. Like the ceiling – no don't look at the ceiling, you'll only puke and you don't want to do that, just think of poor Ollie if he wakes up to find his mother covered in vomit. Oh god, Ollie. Sunlight is beginning to sneak over the window ledge. It is almost morning. How is she meant to get up and smarten up so she can be a good mother for him in the morning? That's why she wanted to do this for him – give up the drink – she wanted to be a good mother to him. He was so great – he deserved something brilliant, yet he would always be happy with her.

Her watch says 6:00. She begins to cry. This is stupid; all she wants to do is stand up and look the part. Maybe she's not, though. And what if she never will be?

No, this is stupid. Stop talking like this. She'll be okay; Ollie never needs to know this happened. Everything will be alright. She just needs to get a little bit of sleep.


	8. Get Your Skates On

**Oh wow, they were pretty long reviews for Chapter 7, so thanks all for the contributions**

**Angel Dust, Dracula5555, maura, sam, starbright, britgirl2003, jen and caroline25 (I hope ya feelin a whole lot better and happier)**

**Anyway, onwards to Chapter 8**

**Honesty really is the best policy, but oh well.**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Eight. Get Your Skates On**

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**o**

**o**

**o** SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 7: Hmm…I don't really know how to summarise this. It's fairly short so you can go back and read it. Abby's pretty messed up.

**o**

**o**

**o**

Oliver Elliot Lockhart is used to this but that doesn't mean he's okay with it. He still cries, though he knows how to deal with the situation. He's almost six years old. Almost. For now, he's still five, and it still scares him when he wakes up but his Mom doesn't. He's still scared.

This is not the wood laminate flooring she fell asleep on – this is a hospital bed. With a sinking heart, Abby recognises the County General ER and med student Neela Ragostra coming through the door. She's holding onto Ollie's hand and he grins wildly when he sees she's awake.

"Mom!" he whoops and runs to the bed.

"You gave us quite a scare there, Abby," Neela tells her with a kind smile. "You've been concussed – your son here called 911. We've had to put five stitches in your forehead and we want to take you up for a head CT in a moment to make sure there's no brain damage, but everything looks okay."

"Thank you," Abby replies politely. The med student nods and leaves – efficient, professional. Ollie clambers onto the bed.

"Guess what, Mom? I got to ride in the ambulance!" Ollie says, excitedly.

"Hey wow, that's great. Did it go really fast?" Abby asks, wide-eyed. Ollie explains in detail about the ambulance ride, often repeating himself and getting his words mixed up in his enthusiasm. Then he falls silent.

"I'm sorry, baby," she wraps her arms around him and kisses him. "I'm really sorry if I scared you. But you were very, very smart to phone 911 – I don't think many kids would've thought of that." Ollie smiles proudly.

"That's okay – I wasn't scared." He claims. The med student pokes her head around the door again.

"We're ready to take you up now, Mrs Lockhart." She takes Ollie's hand. "Shall I take your son to the family room? Only for a while until you're done."

"Okay then," Abby ruffles Ollie's hair. "I'll be alright, honey. There's an X-Box or something in there – go have fun." Ollie nods and waves and then he is gone.

* * *

Dr Carter is walking by when a familiar face catches his eye. 

"Hey, Frank – what's Abby's son doing in the family room? Isn't he meant to be in school?" he asks, quietly when he returns to the desk.

"Well I don't think he's skiving off like that Taggart kid," Frank says with a shrug. "Abby got brought in here this morning."

"Why?" Carter asks, with narrowed eyes.

"Hell, I don't know – ask him yourself." Frank snaps and turns back to his computer screen as Carter heads off towards the Family Room. He pushes the door open and smiles at Ollie when he looks up.

"Hey there, Ollie!" he greets cheerfully.

"Is my Mom out yet?" Ollie looks hopeful.

"Not yet. Sorry, little guy. Do you want a soda or something?" Carter offers.

"Okay." Ollie pipes up. "Thank you, John."

They sit at a table in the cafeteria and Ollie holds his cold 7UP with both hands.

"So what happened to your Mom, Ollie?" Carter presses, gently. Ollie tips the drink into his mouth.

"She got up at night and it was dark and she walked on my fire truck and then she hit her head on the table." Ollie explains, talking more into the aluminium can than at Carter.

"Okay then," Carter nods but his voice hints at doubtfulness.

"I called 911," Ollie adds, looking up at him with a proud grin.

* * *

"I'll get someone to take you back down in a second," Neela notifies Abby who is sitting on the edge of a gurney after having had her head CT. 

"That's alright, no rush." Abby can't help but feel a little guilty; the poor girl is rushing about while Abby feels a whole lot better; she'd go back down by herself and work if they'd let her.

"Hey, Neela – it's okay, I'll take this one down," the familiar voice of John Carter floats down the hall.

"Thanks, Dr Carter," the med student replies, breathlessly. "I was just about to discharge her. Could you do that for me?" She doesn't wait for an answer but thrusts Abby's chart into his hands while she dashes off to respond to a furiously bleeping pager.

"Sure," Carter murmurs, bemused. Then he turns to Abby. "So, Mrs Lockhart – what happened to you?" Abby can't help but hear the bitter sarcasm in his voice.

"I got up in the middle of the night," Abby recounts while she is wheeled through the halls and down the elevators. "But Ollie had left his roller skates out and I skidded on one and whacked my head on the table. And then I guess I woke up here."

"Roller skates?" Carter repeats. "I thought Ollie said it was a fire truck."

"No," Abby shakes her head, though it still aches a little. "No, it was a roller skate. I remember cos it seemed so stupid - like something out of a cartoon." She forces a laugh: self conscious laughter.

"It must've hurt," he comments blandly. "Well I guess that's it, then. I take it that Neela has been through all you've got to do – keep it the cut clean, dry and all that."

"Yes," Abby nods. Something is wrong with him. He is suspicious, he doesn't trust her.

"I'll come back and see you later." He leaves the room and she stares after him, dreading what all this is building up to.

* * *

"So, Ollie," Carter sits down beside the boy in Chairs. 

"Is Mom out?" he asks again. Carter smiles at his eagerness.

"She's just getting changed, but soon she'll be out," he promises him. "So, Ollie – you must be pretty excited with your birthday coming up, right?" Carter goes about this carefully.

"Yep," Ollie grins broadly. "I'm gonna be six in two weeks." He holds up two fingers.

"Hey wow!" Carter gasps. "Maybe on your birthday we could go play baseball or something; what do you like?"

"I've never played baseball, but I like soccer," Ollie begins to talk more excitedly with Carter; he's no longer shy or wary of this strange guy.

"Cool, or maybe we could go roller skating, how about that?" Carter offers. Ollie looks up at him.

"Ok," Ollie says. "But I don't have roller skates."


	9. What Meets The Eye

**Wow, some of you reviewers are pretty damn dependable!**

**Thanks, guys!**

**Especially to: HappyAbby, starbright, britgirl2003, angel dust and two long and therefore great ones from:**

**KayH**** and Caroline25**

**So thanks to all – things are going to be moving slightly faster from now on**

**As in, there'll be a lotta talking and a lot to take in**

**If you want to, that is**

**But if you do or don't, Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Nine. What Meets The Eye**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 8: Abby comes into the ER concussed. When they tell Carter how it happened, Ollie's and Abby's stories don't match up.

**o**

**o**

**o**

"Roller skates?" Carter demands as he comes bursting into Abby's room. She has just slipped her shirt on and is reaching for her jacket.

"Huh?"

"When you pick an object for your elaborate lie, at least pick a toy your son actually owns." Carter snaps.

"What?"

"Ollie doesn't have roller skates."

"Oh –" Abby struggles to keep her panic down and stare Carter in the eye. "Well, it could've been anything. I don't know; it was dark."

"Really? Are you going with that now? You seemed pretty adamant before." He retorts, viciously.

"Well what do you care?" she mutters as she grabs her bag and walks out, pushing past him. He turns and marches after her.

"I know, that's what I've been wondering," he follows her outside into the empty ambulance bay. Ollie is watching through the window whilst knelt up in a red plastic chair. "Why the hell do I care that you've been drunk?"

"I don't know why I ever asked you to help me," she rolls her eyes.

"Because you're some self-obsessed alcoholic, maybe?" Carter spits. Ouch. That one hurt, but Abby glares back, determined not to let it show.

"Oh screw you, Carter. You don't know crap about me."

"What is there to know? You get disgustingly drunk around a five-year old."

Wow, Carter is just full of them today. Abby can't stand to look at him anymore, for fear she'll scream or cry or do something else equally embarrassing.

"You really don't know anything, do you?" she speaks softly to her feet.

"Oh really, then would you like to tell me exactly what happened?" Carter's voice is full of sarcasm. Abby looks up at him, about to say something. Her eyes are oddly bright but he doesn't notice; his eyes are blazing. "Or do you want some time so you can plan another lie and then teach it to your son."

Ollie. Abby eyes are drawn to the ER and she sees him, watching through the window with an expression she's never seen on him before.

"Right. I was drunk," she whispers and looks down at the ground.

Feet crunch in the gravel and two arms are flung around her. Ollie has come running out now that the fight is over. He didn't hear the angry words – maybe it's better that way – but he sees his mother standing looking more dejected than ever. He says nothing but holds onto her.

"Oh Ollie…" Abby kneels on the floor and hugs him back.

"Feeling better?" he asks quietly.

"I'm feeling great." Her voice takes on an upbeat tone. It doesn't seem to belong to those blank, hollow eyes of hers that stare over her son's shoulder at the retreating back of John Carter.

Dr Carter slams Mrs Lockhart's chart onto the desk, irately. His colleagues around him look up, shocked, but they hadn't heard of seen the brutal exchange between him and Abby. It's probably better that way, too. He stalks off towards his next patient, who is starting to feel increasingly nervous at the furious figure approaching.

It's a shame he didn't even flick through the chart, though. Now all of her details will get filed, sent up to some godforsaken, impartial place. They will be tapped into a computer; a huge database that no-one will check. The paper, itself, will get shredded and nobody will ever read it.

Abigail Lockhart.

Female, 33.

Head CT: normal – no signs of damage to the brain.

Tox Screen: clean.****


	10. Lullaby

**This one skips back to the past a whole lot. **

**_!ITALICS_****_ MEANS FLASHBACK!_**

**Although that wasn't just a flashback, that was me telling ya…yeah you got it…ok**

**Well thanks to many who reviewed the last chapter:**

**Angel Dust, fiery red-haired girl, Dracula5555, britgirl2003, carby6, starbright, proffy and, all the way from ****Helsinki****, alpinia**

**Thanks all!**

**Onto the tenth chapter now so, as ever:**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Ten. Lullaby**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 9: Carter believes Abby fell because she was drunk and that's what she tells him. But she actually wasn't. And he doesn't know

**o**

**o**

**o**

Abby sits at the kitchen counter staring vacantly out of the window into the night. Ollie is asleep. Richard isn't home yet. The place is quiet.

She had come too close to saying something that she would've regretted. _"Oh really, then would you like to tell me exactly what happened?" _His bitter voice echoes in her head and she sinks her head into her folded arms. It was lucky she saw Ollie just then, she thinks. She was just about to tell him. It was lucky. Seeing Ollie forced her to recall haunting memories that still, after almost six years, have the power to terrify.

_Abby stood by the cradle, a smile on her face. She could've stood there forever watching her baby son sleeping; tiny fingers curled around a blanket and delicate eyelashes stretched out from closed eyelids. Who would've thought something so beautiful could come from something that she'd always thought was impossibly bleak? The front door slammed and Abby was jolted out of her delirious trance. She slipped out of Oliver's nursery and closed the door._

_"Don't wake him," she whispered across the living room to Richard. He turned around dazedly._

_"Wake who?" _

_"Ollie." Abby reminded him, slightly confused. "What's going on?"_

_"You tell me," Richard replied and stumbled off to the kitchen._

Abby sits at the kitchen counter. Everything seems so real; she can practically see Richard stagger in, ignoring her sitting there, and peering inside the fridge.

_"What are you talking about?" Abby eyed him suspiciously as he took a bottle of wine from the fridge and rattled through the drawers, looking for a corkscrew._

_"Where the hell do you keep all of our crap?" he demanded. Abby approached him and grasped the neck of the bottle._

_"Richard, I think you've had too much." She told him firmly. He refused to let it go._

_"Get your hands off, Abby. Go do something useful – ironing or something, I don't know…" he laughed at himself._

_"Shut up, you bastard," she looked at him with pure disgust. What an asshole. Richard's face changed and he tugged the bottle from her hands._

_"You don't speak to me like that," he shouted, pointing the corkscrew at her. She looked at him and at his weapon of choice with cynically arched eyebrows._

_"I'll speak to you how I like. What're you gonna do? Uncork me?" she answered. _

Abby groans at her own stupidity. She should've known she was in dangerous territory – why did she have to go and say something like that?

_"Fuck you, bitch," he roared and pushed her out of the kitchen. She fell to the floor in the living room and looked up at him in disbelief. He followed her out and she crawled away, across the floor but not taking her eyes off him. _

Leaning around the kitchen door, she watches it all unfold again.

_"You're my fucking wife," he yelled. "You'll do what I say. And when I tell you to shut up, you shut up." He landed a punch on her face but she made no sound – too shocked to speak._

_"I'll do what I like," he continues, throwing punches with every fierce phrase. "And you'll go along with it. And right now, what I want to do is this." He threw the wine bottle to one side and ripped off her shirt, her jeans – _

Abby looks away and stares down at the kitchen counter. She doesn't want to go through this part. She couldn't believe it then – she was _married_ to the guy. That first time was the worst, only because she was so scared, so horrified.

_She was curled up on the wood laminate floor again and she was sobbing. He threw her a towel or something._

_"Clean yourself up," he told her. "You look a mess." She wiped the blood from her face and wrapped the towel around her. The cordless phone was on the sofa, she was so close she could've grabbed it if he hadn't been watching her._

_"You'd never be so stupid as to tell anybody," he ordered. "You're smart enough to know that, aren't you Abby?" He leant his face close to hers and her empty eyes looked right back, unflinching despite herself._

_"Because if you do, I'm going to have to take away what matters to you most," Richard snarled. She knew what he meant and it's a fear that lived on, laced with the stench of alcohol that clung to his breath. Baby Ollie woke up and began to wail. "It's your choice Abby; our little secret or our little boy." _

_Abby bit her split lip, forgetting how much it hurt. The wound re-opened and blood ran down her chin. Richard smiled nastily as he got up. How could this be? This was his own son. How could he talk like this? He found it funny – Abby cowering on the floor, clinging onto the towel around her. _

_"And for god sakes, shut him up," he warned her as the cries of the baby boy cut through the air. Then he went out again, as always, although she never knows where to. The sound of the door slamming shut on his way out was like the final blow she never got. She got up, found her clothes and went to quieten her baby. _

_Ollie was loud, despite being very small. Abby held the tiny baby who continued to shriek until he opened his eyes. Suddenly he stopped, leaving a ringing silence. The baby stared with wide wet eyes at his mother who was crying even more than he was._

Abby wipes her eyes with her sleeve. Carter will never understand – he truly knows nothing about her. And she'll keep it that way.

****


	11. Dinner For Two

**Wow, now that last chapter got a whole load of reviews**

**Thanks to all**

**But first, I need to explain**

**This chapter doesn't directly follow on from the last events**

**I thought I'd provide a more light-hearted interlude in here cos it's getting me down…**

**The angst will continue and chapter 12**

**With more from this new storyline dotted throughout**

**Now thank-you very very much to:**

**Serenite, dracula5555, britgirl2003, maura, HappyAbby, starbright, Proffy, hyperpiper91, Carby6, squiggle7, KayH, SplongyFrog, sam, Angel Dust, Hibbs and SnapDragon**

**I told you there were a whole load of reviews**

**Thanks so much! But for now…**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx **

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Eleven. Dinner For Two**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o** SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 10: Abby did give up drink when Ollie asked her to. The truth that she has to keep hidden is actually that Richard abuses her

**o**

**o**

**o**

_Carter will never understand – he truly knows nothing about her. And she'll keep it that way_

- o -

There is a knock on the door; it's a welcome chance for Abby to stop reliving her past and to carry on. A dark figure stands in the hall and Abby almost shuts the door, again out of suspicion – you get all sorts of people around here, but the man steps into the light.

"Eric?" Abby can hardly believe it.

"Surprise?" he offers, with an awkward smile, in case his uninvited appearance is rude and inconvenient. "I kind of decided to uproot my life, you know, start again. Everyone near where I live thinks I'm this crazy guy who'll eat their children or something so I thought I'd come to Chicago – is that okay?" Abby grins and ushers him in.

"Of course, of course it's okay!" she insists before stopping and asking: "Are you off your meds?" Eric laughs.

"No, actually no, I'm not," he assures her. "Although I can see why you asked – I'm not in your way, am I?" Abby looks around her place, uneasily.

"Well – Eric, I don't know where you were planning on staying," Abby begins. "I'm really sorry, but you can't stay here."

"That's okay," Eric nods. There's a pause as he runs his hand through his hair, slightly embarrassed. "Know anywhere where I _could_ stay?"

"Erm – wait a second, make yourself at home," she says before disappearing into another room.

"Hello?" the voice of Susan Lewis comes down the phone line.

"Hey, it's Abby," Abby starts off, wondering where to go from here.

"Hey Abby," Susan sounds a little surprised and fair enough – Abby is surprised at herself.

"I'm sorry but could you do me a huge favour?" Wow, asking for help twice in one week – she never thought it'd come to this. "My brother's come round, sort of unexpectedly, and I have nowhere for him to stay. I was wondering if you could –"

"Sure, he can stay at my place," Susan cuts her off, brightly. She can sense how uncomfortable this is for Abby.

"You don't have to say yes," Abby adds, hurriedly. "I'll totally understand."

"It's no problem," Susan laughs. "Unless he has some weird habits I should know of. I take it he's fully housetrained." Abby laughs, too.

"Thank you so much, Susan," she gushes. "I'll send him over. Thank you."

"No problem."

Abby hangs up the phone with a sigh of relief. She hadn't expected it to be so easy – she had no idea that Susan was so generous.

* * *

Eric squints up at a dimly lit road sign, glances down at a piece of paper in his hand and turns left down Susan's road. He lugs his small suitcase behind him and presses the buzzer of the apartment block.

"Hello?" a voice crackles through the intercom.

"Hey – it's, erm, Abby's brother," Eric replies, feeling as though he really shouldn't be here. This whole visit was a bit of a failure – it should've been planned ahead. But he just hadn't seen his sister in so long…

"Come on up," Susan answers with a light-hearted laugh. There's a raucous buzz and Eric pushes the door open to let himself into the dark, empty hall.

A blonde-haired woman opens the door of apartment 22.

"So does Abby's brother have a name?" she asks with a friendly grin.

"Eric – I guess you're Susan," Eric stands apprehensively in the door frame and shakes her hand, formally.

"So, Eric," Susan begins. "Are you always this tense or is it just today?" Eric chuckles.

"I'm sorry, I just feel completely guilty turning up without much warning," he apologises. Susan waves it away.

"Hell, it's alright – I wish more men would drop by like this," she says breezily while she fell onto the couch and began to flip through a book. After a few minutes she turns to find Eric still standing in the doorway and she laughs.

"You _can_ come in, y'know."

* * *

"Hey, so have you got any embarrassing stories about Abby to share?" Eric is relaxed on Susan's couch with a mug of coffee just minutes later. Susan's book lies forgotten on the floor.

"Hmm – well if I did, no doubt she wouldn't thank me for spreading them about."

"Well tell me what you know about her – it's been years since I've even spoken to her," he urges. Susan tilts her head to one side, thinking.

"Abby is…" she starts off, Eric watching her eagerly. "She's…well, she's a nurse." She finishes lamely. Eric looks unimpressed.

"She's a nurse?" he repeats in a dull voice.

"She's a very good nurse." Susan adds, fervently.

"Well I bet you're just the life and soul of a party," Eric mutters.

"Huh, you're nice." Susan's equally sarcastic voice raises a red flush in Eric's cheeks, though Susan looks vaguely amused.

"I'm sorry," he apologises again. "I'm really sorry – I tend to say whatever comes into my head. Abby hated that about me." Susan laughs it off.

"I can see why – I don't think you're gonna be very welcome here," Susan kids. "I can insult myself without you." Eric smiles as he lifts his mug of coffee.

"Well I think you're very pretty," he says with a shrug before he can stop himself. Susan looks surprised and for a while they sit in an embarrassed silence.

"And you're very pretty too," Susan teases, eventually. Eric's red face loosens up as she breaks the tension – he can't believe he let that out.

- o -


	12. The Cold Shoulder

**Well I take it most people like the Susan/Eric thing**

**But a few don't – sorry guys, I really am not gonna do anything about that**

**But there's still the other storyline for ya**

**Thanks for reviewing, whatever you said, anyway**

**That's to:**

**Fiery red-haired girl, carby luva 313, Amanda, Angel Dust (little miss wyle from the forum!!!), sam, matchstickgirl, britgirl2003, carby6, starbright, dracula5555 and Kay H**

**Onwards we go…**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Twelve. The Cold Shoulder**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 11: Eric turns up but has to stay at Susan's. They get on well…

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"Well I think you're very pretty," he says with a shrug before he can stop himself_

- o -

"Where are the stitches from?" Richard comes in through the front door and sees Abby. He hadn't been home all night and Abby is making breakfast for Ollie.

"Hospital." She answers shortly, not looking at him. He tilts her head towards him, one finger under her chin. She freezes at his touch, cereal box and bowl – one in each hand – suspended shakily in mid-air.

"I hope you didn't tell them more than they needed to know," he croons in a strange voice. He's not drunk; this time he's stoned.

"I didn't, Richard. I didn't tell them anything," she insists, hurriedly.

"Are you sure?" he persists. "You know what I have to do if you're lying to me…" She runs a tongue over her dry lips and nods.

"I didn't say anything – you know I wouldn't. I didn't."

He smiles – they both know that he has her completely under control. Ollie's bedroom door opens and he pads out in his pyjamas. Richard laughs slightly before walking off to collapse on his own bed. He walks straight past Ollie – ignoring his son – and closes his door behind him. He won't come out all day.

Abby shakes herself to steady her nerves and continues pouring Ollie's cereal.

"Good morning," he greets as he clambers onto a stool. Abby sets the bowl in front of him.

"Hey baby," she smiles at him. Ollie begins to shovel the cereal into his mouth and Abby sits opposite, in her scrubs, just watching him.

"Are you working today?" his words are incomprehensible through a mouthful of cereal.

"What was that? Don't talk with your mouth full, Ollie," she reminds him. "Nobody wants to see all your yucky chewed up food." He takes a great big gulp to swallow it down before repeating his question:

"Are you working today, Mom?" He ends his sentence by opening his now-empty mouth as wide as he can.

"Yep," she nods. "And you're coming with me, okay?" She laughs at him gaping at her. "See that's more like it." And she copies him, opening her mouth wide.

"Uh Uhn Urel?" he offers, attempting to speak like this.

"Uh?" Abby leans closer. He puts a spoon of cereal in her open mouth.

"Want some cereal?" he repeats with a cheeky grin.

* * *

It is just after lunchtime. Ollie sits in the Doctor's Lounge and quietly, patiently colours in pictures. He is undisturbed by the flow of doctors and nurses in and out of the room. The nurses fuss over him whenever they can but he makes no trouble – he's a good kid. John Carter's shift is over at 2pm and he hangs up his white coat in his locker.

"You and Mom aren't friends anymore, are you?" he asks. Other than saying a courteous 'Good morning' or 'Good afternoon', this is first thing Ollie has said to anybody else all day and Carter looks round, surprised.

"It's complicated, Ollie," Carter struggles to explain.

"It's ok," he replies, carrying on with his colouring. "It's none of my business." Carter can't help but breathe a laugh at the politeness and maturity coming out of this small boy.

"Have you been here all day?" Carter comes to kneel in front of Ollie.

"Yep."

"Doesn't it get boring?" Carter can't imagine being stuck here all day; he'd go crazy.

"I don't mind," Ollie smiles. Carter sits in silence for a while.

"Hey, didn't you say you've never played baseball before?" Carter says, suddenly. Ollie nods. "Want to go play?"

"Now?" Ollie's face is lit with a mixture of doubtfulness and excitement.

"Yeah, sure why not? What time does your Mom finish?"

"4 o'clock," Ollie answers.

"Ok, so we'll get back before four, alright?"

"Cool," Ollie grins and jumps up. It certainly beat sitting in the Doctor's Lounge all day.

"Hey Jerry, I'm taking Abby's kid out to play baseball for a bit. Tell her he'll be back by four, okay?" Carter calls to Jerry at the front desk while he and Ollie leave the ER.

"Sure, whatever." Jerry responds dully, staring at his computer screen.

* * *

"Don't be afraid of the ball!" Carter shouts tips down the park to Ollie, looking even smaller kitted up in an over-sized helmet with one of Carter's old bats. "Really give it all you've got!" He bowls the ball lightly down the field and Ollie ducks it again, as soon as it gets too close. Carter smiles, patiently.

"How about we take a break, kid?" he suggests instead. Ollie nods; the helmet rocks on his head and he tips it back to grin up at Carter.

"I'll get it next time," Ollie tells him, eagerly.

* * *

"Jerry?" Abby is leaning over the front desk.

"Huh?" Jerry grunts, gazing into the computer monitor.

"Jerry, have you seen my son?" Abby asks, anxiously.

"Yeah sure," he replies, vaguely.

"Jerry – this is serious."

"I know." He isn't listening at all. Abby watches in him in agitated disbelief before leaning down and unplugging the cable to the computer.

"Hey!" Jerry jumps up angrily. "What are you doing?"

"I don't care – where's my son?" she demands.

"How should I know?" he snaps, putting the plug back in. "You should take better care of him."

"You don't know where he is?" she repeats, weakly.

"No," Jerry returns to his computer, leaving Abby standing, struggling to keep her panic down.

* * *

"That was great – you're really getting good!" Carter enthuses as Ollie knocks the ball to the ground less than a foot from his own feet. "You just need to swing it more. You're doing great!" Carter leans down, about to fling the ball to Ollie again when he hear his watch beep. It is four o'clock.

"Oh crap," he mutters. "We gotta run, Ollie. You're Mom's gonna be worried."

* * *

Abby walks nervously around the Doctor's Lounge; what does she do now – who does she call? Where does she go?

Oh god, oh god – Richard took him. He did, didn't he? He was suspicious – he thought she told someone. But she didn't, she didn't. She didn't say anything. She wouldn't. She wouldn't risk that. Couldn't he see she was telling the truth? Oh god.

She's got to calm down. She doesn't know Richard took him for sure.

But he was pissed off this morning. And he was high – he'd do anything then. Not Ollie – just not Ollie. She shouldn't have passed out. Then she wouldn't have had to go to hospital and he wouldn't have suspected anything. And Ollie phoned an ambulance for her because he's so, so amazing. He's probably just outside. Or gone to the bathroom or something. Maybe he's gone looking for her.

Maybe.

Or maybe Richard took him and has got him right now and is just about to –

Shut up. Oh god. He doesn't. He wouldn't. He can't.

Well, actually he would and he could, quite easily.

How could she ever live without him?

Oh god.

Oh god.

"Mom!" Ollie yells, bursting through the Doctor's Lounge door. Abby turns and falls to her knees to accept his hug – she was probably close to passing out from relief anyway.

"Oh my god, Ollie – where have you been?" she breathes. "I've been so worried. Don't ever run off, ever."

"John taught me to play baseball!" he squeaks, excitedly. It is only then that Abby looks up and sees Carter sitting on the edge of the couch and looking in another direction.

"And look what he got me!" Ollie shows her the bat before proudly sticking the helmet on his head.

"Hey cool!" Abby laughs at the hugeness of the helmet and picks him up. "Come on, let's go home." They head towards the Lounge door.

"Bye John!" Ollie chirps beneath the helmet.

"Bye Ollie." Carter's voice is quieter now, deader, colder.

"Don't you ever go off with strangers again, Ollie," Abby tells him as they walk out.

"But John's not a stranger – you said he was a friend," Ollie reasons. Their voices float along the corridor and Carter listens.

"Well he's not anymore," comes her reply before the Lounge door finally closes, shutting Carter into the empty silence.

He tells himself he does not care. That she was just a failure. That she can't be helped – she practically refuses to be helped. She was a hopeless case.

But those last words really hurt.

- o -


	13. Unlucky For Some

**Hey cool it seems like there are a load of new people getting into this**

**As well as the old faithful reviewers **

**Not that you're old**

**Well you might be, I don't know**

**But yeah**

**I'll just shut up and get on with the thank-yous**

**Thanks to faith, sam, Angel Dust, Caroline25 (happy belated birthday!), matchstickgirl, quiet, SnapDragon, Dracula5555, starbright, AbbyLockhart2, britgirl2003 and third charm.******

**Thank you very much**

**And on we go**

**Plenty of carby-ness is coming in the next chapter**

**But for now, it's mainly Susan and Eric (strange, I know)**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Thirteen. Unlucky For Some**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 12: Carter takes Ollie to play baseball and Abby worries cos she doesn't know where he went. She and Carter ignore each other.

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"But John's not a stranger – you said he was a friend."_

_"Well he's not anymore."_

- o -

"Hey Abby."

Abby looks up to see her brother swing round the corner of the ER.

"Hey Eric," she greets, slightly confused. "What are you doing here?" He smiles.

"Susan left her pager at home so I brought it in for her," he explains. "Now you guys can beep her till she goes crazy; man I'm so glad I don't have your job." Abby chuckles.

"What job _do_ you have?" she asks.

"Um – no job, actually. But that's okay," he shrugs. "Hey we probably have some catching up to do; maybe it'd be better if I took you out for lunch or something. When do you get set free?"

"In about half an hour, then you, me and Ollie can get out of here." She replies, glancing at her watch.

"Who's Ollie?" he frowns, confused. "Boyfriend?" Abby laughs.

"No, Ollie's my son," she tells him. Eric raises his eyebrows in surprise as she begins to walk away. "I'll meet you outside in about 35 minutes, okay?" she calls back to him.

"Ok," he answers, still bewildered; perhaps they had more catching up to do then he thought.

Less than an hour later they are sitting in Ike's, just generally catching up. Ollie sits quietly; shy of this stranger who seemed to be so thrilled to meet him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't let you stay with us, Eric," Abby says. She has a french fry held between two fingers and doesn't notice when Ollie gently eases it out and eats it himself.

"That's no problem," Eric shrugs. "Susan's great." There is a short pause before Eric turns to Ollie. "So how old are you Ollie?"

"Five," Ollie answers, distractedly. "Six in two weeks." Then he kneels up in the booth and waves. "It's John!"

Carter is standing at counter ordering something. He waves back half-heartedly before Abby pulls Ollie back down into the booth.

"Ollie, what did I tell you?" she warns him.

"Who's he?" Eric asks curiously.

"He's John. He used to be a friend from work," Ollie recites. "But now he's…" Ollie trails off, not knowing what comes next.

"No-one. He's no-one." Abby replies, shortly. But for some reason, it really hits her hard when she hears him pointedly adding "To go, please," on the end of his order.

* * *

"Well, to be fair, she _is_ married," Susan reasons as she and Jing-Mei sit alone at the Lounge table, on their break. "Maybe that's why they ended it."

"But didn't you see how angry he was the other day?" Jing-Mei points out. "She must've done something."

"I don't know, it could've been something else."

"They're ignoring each other."

"I know. God, it's so stupid. You can see that they really hate doing it, they're just both too stubborn to give in."

"Stubborn – yeah. Yeah, they're really stubborn. I thought they were quite sweet together."

"I know! Hey, I hope he didn't take the stuff we said, badly."

"No, he knows we're just kidding. I wonder what made them both split up?"

"I dunno. Maybe we should get them back together. They're both really miserable now –" Susan shuts up quickly and turns as she hears the Lounge door opening. Carter comes in through the door with his takeout coffee. She turns back around hurriedly, as he sinks down onto the couch.

"Hey Carter," Susan and Deb greet him in an overly-cheery, guilty unison.

"Hello," he answers, dully. There's an awkward silence.

"So anyway," Susan starts up. "Back to what we were saying..."

"Yeah, about…umm…" Jing-Mei searches wildly for a topic.

"Clothes," Susan prompts.

"Movies," Jing-Mei says, at the same time. Carter raises his eyebrows at their poor cover-up.

"Same thing," Susan waves her hand and lapses back into silence.

"You know, we never really _were_ going out," Carter tells his takeout coffee as he stares blankly at it in his hand. Susan and Deb look at him and then at each other.

"Carter…" Susan doesn't know what to say.

"No, but we weren't. There was nothing there," he insists.

Jing-Mei sighs and rests her elbows on the table as she quietly asks him: "Then why do you miss her so much?"

Carter looks up, slightly surprised that she should say that before realising that, in actual fact, she's right.

* * *

Susan Lewis is trudging home. She is fed up. It has been a very long day – she forgot her pager, she got yelled at by Weaver and she just got gum stuck to the bottom of her shoe. And she was sick on four times. It is days like these that make her wonder why she didn't take a monotonous but normal office job. Her pager beeps and she groans out loud, getting some confused looks from passers by.

"I'm not going back in!" she moans as she fishes for it in her handbag. She takes it out and finds her own home phone number flashing on the display.

"What's up? What's wrong?" she asks Eric as soon as he picks up. She is hurrying home faster and speaking into her cell phone.

"Susan…" he begins. "I hope you're sitting down…"

"What, what is it?" she demands, getting worried.

"I'm sorry, Susan – we're out of ice cream," Eric tells her, solemnly. She stops in the middle of the street.

"Is that all?" she frowns, confusedly.

"No," Eric speaks slowly and deliberately. "Please can you get some more?" Susan looks at her phone in disbelief before simply hanging up and walking on.

She reaches home after dark and stamps up the stairs, furiously. Bursting through her front door and flinging her handbag onto the couch, she storms around the apartment until Eric comes out from the bathroom, hair still dripping wet.

"Hey cheerful!" he greets her. She turns to him with a dark look. "Did you get the ice – "

He is cut off as Susan slams a carton of Ben and Jerry's onto the kitchen counter.

"Thanks!" Eric chirps, totally ignoring her grumpiness. Susan glares, trying to draw attention to her bad mood. "Wow, I've been so bored this afternoon. Just sat around and did nothing." His eyes flicker over to check whether or not he's succeeding darkening her mood. She's practically fuming.

"Oh, my heart bleeds, Eric," she snaps, sarcastically. "I've been on my feet all day doing my job and working damn hard. And what do I get for it? I get yelled at by my boss, the EL is late, these shoes suck…" she kicks them off, viciously and rants on but Eric just grins and wraps her fingers around a spoon.

"Cheer up?" he suggests, holding out the ice cream pot to her. She looks at him, calming down slightly.

"I was sick on four times," she mumbles, huffily as she scoops out some ice cream. Eric smiles sympathetically and a drop of water falls from his hair onto her spoon.

"And your hair dripped on my ice cream," she adds but, by now, her fury has lost its momentum and she just attempts a lame frown before giving in to a slight smile.

"It's still good," Eric shrugs. "I'll eat it." He leans forwards to eat the slightly diluted ice cream off of her spoon.

"Your hair's really wet," she comments and reaches a hand up to brush it back.

They pause like this: his mouth close enough to hers that he can feel her breath on his lips and her fingers entwined with his hair. They look at each other, suddenly surprised and suddenly very confused. How long do they stay frozen like this for? Time is not an issue, it doesn't seem to pass at all, but there's a sudden splash as the now-melted ice cream falls to the floor. Almost as if this, quite appropriately, unfreezes things, they both jolt into action.

"I'd better clean that up," Susan drops to her knees to wipe away the drip. "And then I probably should take a shower or a bath or something cos I'll smell of puke all day and I hate that…" she babbles on but it doesn't matter because Eric isn't listening.

"Sorry about that," he talks overly loudly and quickly, too. "I should probably dry my hair before it soaks everything else in this apartment and then there was a show on NBC I wanted to watch; I can't remember what it was about but that's okay…" He waves his hand at the TV and just about everything else in the room.

"Right," they both finish simultaneously. "I'll see you tomorrow, then." Susan and Eric say as one. "Goodnight."

There is a brief hesitation from both of them as they wonder whether they should have acted upon that moment but they think better of it and go off to busy themselves in some other activity.

Out of each others' sight, Susan leans against the bathroom door and exhales; Eric groans to himself and hits his forehead with his palm. The ice cream stands on the counter and, undoubtedly feeling very lonely and forgotten, turns to some kind of sludgy mess.


	14. In All Honesty

**Ok, so maybe the Susan/Eric situation is starting to grow on some people now**

**Am I right?**

**I hope I'm right**

**But either way – this is what you really want, right?**

**Some good ol' carby-ness**

**And it's right here**

**In this chapter**

**Thanks first goes**** to:**

**Britgirl2003, sam, starbright, Dracula5555, Caroline25, AbbyLockhart2, Hibbs, third charm, missy-maura and Angel Dust**

**Most of you regulars really, so thanks very much**

**On with the show**

**On with the carby**

**(I really hope you…) Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Fourteen. In All Honesty**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o** SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 13: Abby and Ollie have lunch with Eric. Carter realises he misses her. Susan and Eric have a…moment.

**o**

**o**

**o**

****

_Jing-Mei sighs and rests her elbows on the table as she quietly asks him: "Then why do you miss her so much?"_

__

Abby inspects the new bruise on her cheek in the bathroom mirror; the latest gift from Richard. God, the stupid fool was convinced she was having an affair – he saw her having lunch with Eric. Jesus Christ, it was her own brother. So what? Now he claims it's incest. God, she hates him. She hates him so damn much.

She stomps out of the bathroom before remembering to quieten down so she doesn't wake her son. Richard really is out of town for now so at least there's something to be grateful for. She's off to another AA meeting – she hasn't been for a while. Probably another thing that convinces Carter that she's still hopelessly drunk. She hates him, too.

Actually no, she really doesn't. But she hates that. She hates the fact that she can't hate him. Does that make sense? Oh well.

She kisses a sleeping Ollie before she leaves the apartment, and sticks a note to his bedroom door, reminding him, as ever, that she loves him and will be back very, very soon. He won't read it; he sleeps through the night, gripping a T shirt that used to belong to Abby a very long time ago.

* * *

Abby just came through the door but Carter doesn't want to speak to her – how can he? He takes a seat as far back from her as he can and spends the rest of the meeting in silence. But the meeting passes on and, again, he can't get her out of his head. He curses himself quietly everytime he catches himself just watching her or everytime he feels his heart race at the sound of her voice or even her name. As the meeting ends, she is the first one out. No doubt off to get some more drink, he tells himself.

She is not worth it. Why can't he believe that? Carter runs after her, planning on saying something really cutting just to prove to her; he doesn't care about her just like she doesn't care about him.

"I'm surprised you even turned up today," he sneers at her back. She stops in the middle of the sidewalk but does not turn around.

"I'm surprised you even noticed I was gone," she spits in return and brings her hair down to hide the bruise on her face but he comes around to face her.

"I'm surprised you even had time to fit it into your busy schedule," he adds. "You know: get up, get drunk…" He tucks back her hair to reveal the bruise. "Trip up or injure yourself in some other drunken way and then make up some barely plausible lie to cover up."

Carter says all this but he can't help but feel deeply disappointed. He had half-hoped that she would've been able to pull through but apparently not.

"You want to know how I got this?" she points at her cheek – finally fed up with his constant contemptuous attitude

"Yeah, alright – go ahead," Carter scoffs. "I'd like to see you lie your way out of this one."

Abby takes deep breath. He has no idea what he's letting himself in for.

"Fine, let me tell you how my daily routine really would be before I quit drinking – which I have done, for your information," she begins, struggling to keep her temper down.

"Right," Carter snarls, sarcastically.

"Sober for almost three weeks," Abby retorts. "But before then, I would pick Ollie up from school, take him home, play and talk and make him dinner etc. After I put him to bed then, yeah, I would drink as much as I could before Richard got back from wherever the hell he went all day."

Carter still glares defiantly at her and at that last comment he shoots a short triumphant laugh at her.

"You know why?" she continues, her voice rising to a shout, ignoring the scorn on his face. "Because that way, when Richard came home and started hitting me or banging my head on the walls and furniture or beating me up anyway he could, I couldn't feel it as much. Then I'd either go to bed or pass out – I don't know – I guess I was too drunk to care, wasn't I, Carter? So then every morning, my little boy would wake me up for work and pour whatever alcohol was left in the house down the sink and I would take a morning-after pill – cos he raped me most nights and I couldn't take any chances; no child should have to live this life with me, it's bad enough that Ollie is caught up in it. Every morning and every evening, Carter, this happened – it still happens. Only now, I don't drink because I promised my son I wouldn't."

Carter unfolds his arms and they hang at his sides, limp with shock. Of all things, he hadn't expected her to say that.

"So all these bruises and cuts and broken bones," she goes on but her voice falls to barely a murmur. "Aren't from some kind of drunken stupor – they're from my husband. I haven't had alcohol for weeks and, you know, it hurts a whole lot more and it's harder to forget, but I promised Ollie."

"Oh, Abby – " Carter begins, softly. He takes her hand, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, well you can 'oh, Abby' all you want," she snaps and snatches back her hand. "It's nice to see what you think of me – that I'd lie to my own son. You have no idea, Carter."

"You gotta call the cops," Carter says, suddenly. Abby laughs bitterly.

"I thought you might say that," she replies. "The first time he ever hurt me like that, Ollie was just a baby and he promised me that if I ever said anything about this to anybody, he would kill –"

She trails off and looks up at Carter, choked. She had had no trouble recounting the way Richard beat her up and raped her, or admitting her drink problem, or finally telling somebody exactly how her life is – but now, as she tries to explain this one thing she never really wanted to believe, she can't.

"Ollie?" Carter finishes for her. Abby nods. "He said he'd kill –? "

"Yes," she cuts him off, not wanting to hear the whole sentence. "And even though he doesn't remember his son's school plays or his birthday, I know this is one promise he'd keep because he knows: it's the most painful thing he could ever do to me."

"You have to call the cops," Carter tells her, firmly. "It'd be alright if you'd just call them."

"I can't, do you know how much trust it's taken me to say this to you?" This is her six-year old son he's talking about risking. "I can't."

"Yes you can," he begins to shout. "You have to do this. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"You don't know that and it's not a risk I'm going to take." Did he hear what she just said?

"But you have to – it'll be okay."

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?" She screams. He falls silent, stunned. "You just don't understand – he's my son, I'm not going to take any chances. Is there any way that you could possibly appreciate that, or shall I put it into simpler terms for you?" He looks at her, dumbstruck.

"Ok, fine," Abby runs her fingers through her hair in frustration. How can she put it so that he'll get the picture? "Tell me, Carter. What's the most important thing to you in the whole world?" Carter says nothing but stares down at the ground, hands in pockets.

"Tell me, if it's the only way I can make you understand," She demands. "Everything isn't as easy as you think – what's the one thing that, if it was taken away from you, you just wouldn't be able live anymore?"

He looks at her and answers simply:

"You."

.


	15. Second Place

**And so the carby continues**

**I think most peoples' favourite line in this whole thing was:**

**"You"**

**Heh heh**

**Well I have a lot of you to thank**

**Many of the following gave pretty long reviews too, which was much appreciated**

**So thanks goes**** to:**

**Carby luva 313, Dracula5555, mcan3, hyperpiper91, loocy, fiery red-haired girl, Karen, Angel Dust, eve1980. britgirl2003, Proffy, Hibbs, starbright, matchstickgirl, Abby Lockhart2, Carby-Always, Caroline25 and mandi**

**I really am grateful for or your comments**

**But let's move on**

**I doubt this is what you came to read**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx **

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Fifteen. ****Second Place**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 14: Abby finally tells Carter everything. Carter tells her how he feels.

**o**

**o**

**o**

****

_"What's the one thing that, if it was taken away from you, you just wouldn't be able live anymore?"_

_He looks at her and answers simply: "You."_

_-_

Abby gapes at him; now it's her turn to be shocked. Carter watches her nervously with the hint of an apologetic smile. She begins to walk towards him, then stops, then does it again but thinks better of it, turns and walks away. That wasn't something Carter had wanted to see.

"Abby?"

She stops again and turns back to him.

"Well," she says, finally. "I didn't see that one coming." Carter smiles.

"Neither did I," he admits. "I'm sorry."

"Jesus, Carter – it's not your _fault_."

"But I'm sorry." He hesitates. "I love you." Abby brings her hands over her mouth and looks distinctly upset.

"Please don't say that…"

"I'm not asking you to leave your husband or anything," he insists. "Although I think you should."

"John, you know I can't."

"Abby, you're getting hurt," he tells her. "Really badly."

"Carter, listen – I love my son," Abby says, firmly.

"I can't watch you get hurt like this."

"Then don't watch," she replies shortly. Carter looks hurt.

"I'm sorry," she sighs. "There is nothing you can do. My life…it's manageable."

"Is that what you call it? Getting knocked unconscious and raped?" he demands with oddly shining eyes. "That's _manageable_?"

"God, I don't _care_, John," she shouts. "I don't care what he does to me – just as long as Ollie is okay."

"Would he be okay if his mother was killed?" Carter's tone is strangely constricted.

"It's my fault that he's caught up in this, anyway," she answers. "I should have given him up when he was a baby but I was selfish and had to keep him." Carter can't believe what he's hearing.

"How can you blame yourself for this?"

"As soon as Richard dragged him into this whole mess of a life I should've had him adopted or something," her voice shakes and cracks as she starts to express this deep guilt that she had always held. "But I didn't. I just couldn't let him go. If anything happens to him, it is my fault. I had to let him suffer with me, didn't I?"

"Abby…" Carter takes her face in both hands and makes her look at him. "It is _not_ your fault. How can you even think that?"

"I should have let him go."

"He's your son. He deserves to be with you. He _needs_ you," he replies. "And you have to take care of yourself – for him."

"You just don't get it, John," she shakes her head.

"Maybe I don't, but I love you," he repeats.

"Please don't say that again," she protests weakly.

"I love you."

"John, don't. Please." she begs. "This isn't fair; I _can't_ love you. Ollie will always come first."

He gazes at her, just struggling to comprehend this painfully complicated situation. She looks at him with a sad smile before leaning up and kissing him.

"I'm sorry, John." She whispers as she pulls away. He watches as she walks away, past him and back down the sidewalks. He starts to go after but stops and just stares, wordlessly.

"I love you," he croaks, suddenly finding his voice. She starts to run; his shout is left to echo around the empty street and suddenly he is alone.

-


	16. Make A Wish

**Oh, so close. **

**See I was planning on waiting until I got 150 reviews for 15 chapters until I updated**

**But 149 is close enough**

**And I couldn't really leave you hanging**

**Cos you've been v cool and reviewed plenty for me**

**So I owe ya one**

**That's a thanks that goes out to all the following:**

**carbytothecore****, Dracula5555, kattybaby2318, starbright, fiery red-haired girl, love-carby, dynamitedawn, britgirl2003, mcan3 and striker20.**

**So here's the 16th chapter**

**I personally prefer chapter 17**

**But you'll have to wait for that one**

**Come on all! 160 reviews for 16 chapters!!!!!!**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

****

****

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Sixteen. Make A Wish**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 15: Carter tells Abby he loves her but she can't take it.

**o**

**o**

**o**

****

_"God, I don't care, John," she shouts. "I don't care what he does to me – just as long as Ollie is okay."_

**- o -**

"Well this sucks," Susan announces as she comes through the door of her apartment at the end of the day. Eric is gets up from where he sat at the kitchen table and he smiles to himself.

"You're never happy, are you?" he asks innocently. Susan throws her handbag onto the floor.

"My necklace broke and I've lost it," she begins. "And for some insane reason all they had at work was decaf. I mean, honestly, decaf? What's with that? Do they even _want_ us to come to work?" Eric sets a mug of coffee in front of her and sits back down. She looks at him and then takes it.

"If this is decaf, I'm going to break your legs," she mutters as she sips it but he only laughs.

"Hey, do you think a six-year old boy would like this?" Eric shows her the present for Ollie that he was in the middle of wrapping. Susan shrugs.

"If six-year old boys were my speciality, I'd be in prison," she says wryly and smiles. "What's the occasion?"

"Ollie's sixth birthday tomorrow." Eric answers, whilst struggling with the wrapping paper and tape. He finishes with a flourish and beams at her. "Hey, by the way, how much rent do I owe you?"

"Huh?" Susan frowns as Eric gets out his wallet. "You're a guest, you don't owe me anything. What brought this on?"

"I got a job," he replies, sliding a bunch of notes across to her.

"A job?" she repeats with raised eyebrows. "How long are you planning on staying?"

"I don't know, I'll rent my own place when I have the money," he offers. Susan smiles and picks up the notes on the table.

"No, it's okay. It's nice having you around," she tells him as she flops onto the sofa and flicks on the TV. Eric pretends to be neatening out the wrapping on Ollie's present and hopes she can't see his elation.

* * *

Abby pulls open a locker door, identical to all the others in the neat row that stand in the dimly light Doctor's Lounge in the late afternoon, except her one has a small black plaque bearing the name: Lockhart. As if she forever needed reminding of her painful namesake. Reaching for her coat, her hands brush a large object sitting at the bottom of her locker. It is a brightly wrapped box with a tag hanging off that simply reads: Ollie. 

She carefully removes it and looks down at it with a sigh – she knows who it's from and as she puts on her coat, John Carter comes through the door. He looks at her and the sizable box now on the Lounge table. He says nothing but offers her a polite smile; it is actually astounding how civil and natural they have been with each other considering all that has been admitted and found out in recent times. Their colleagues have no idea that anything had ever happened; Carter has kept to his word and said nothing to anybody though the dilemma is tearing him apart; Abby has not acted on the things he's told her though everything in her is urging her to. It is just another day gone by.

"You really didn't have to," she tells him, quietly, gesturing at the present. Carter shrugs it off.

"Say Happy Birthday to Ollie from me," he answers with a voice that has a hint of moroseness. Abby nods and picks up the box.

"How do I explain this to…?" she trails off and looks at Carter. "I mean – he'd get angry if he thought that we were…"

"He doesn't need to know it's from me," he cuts her off, not wanting to think about it anymore. Abby nods again and makes towards the door.

"Goodnight," she says. He puts an arm out and takes her gently by the waist before snatching back his arm, feeling guilty for the impulsive movement. She stops and looks at him.

"Take care," he murmurs eventually.

Abby leaves the Lounge and, with her walking down the halls and him sitting in the dark and empty Lounge, they share a sigh as she heads back home. She wishes that he wasn't such a nice guy, that she didn't care about him as much as she does. Knowing that he feels like this about her is just another taunting thing reminding her of everything out of her grasp.

* * *

A small chocolate cake complete with six candles stands proudly on the kitchen counter beside a small stack of presents. 

"Come on, birthday boy!" Abby lifts Ollie onto a stool by the counter – it is just the two of them, as ever. "What do you want first: presents or cake?"

"Presents!" Ollie decides, reaching for the top-most box on the stack. Moments later wrapping paper lies on the fall and opened toys are lined up along table; two that were signed from "Mom and Dad" – a gift tag that no longer fools him – roller blades from Uncle Eric that were greeted with a short pause and raised eyebrows. Ollie beams whilst opening the last and biggest, lifting the lid to reveal, nestled in blue tissue paper, a child-sized baseball glove, ball and bat. At that moment Richard staggers in through the front door and lurches off to the bedroom, straight past his wife and son. Ollie looks down at the present and then up at Abby.

"Is it from - ?" Ollie knows better than to mention names when his father is home. Abby nods and her mouth turns up in what would've been a smile had she felt it.

"Hey, how about we light these candles?" she forces on some cheerfulness and gets out a box of matches. Six small flames flicker momentarily as Ollie draws in a big breath. "Make a wish." Abby reminds him as he blows them all out in one puff. A loud crash comes from the bedroom and Abby hesitates for a moment before going to see what's going on; probably Richard smashing things in a drunken rage again.

"Happy Birthday, honey," she kisses Ollie as she leaves the room. Ollie sits alone in the kitchen and slips his hand inside the baseball glove – a perfect fit. Voices rise in the bedroom and pierce easily through the paper-thin walls that hold nothing from him.

"I'm not going to let you ignore him today," Abby shouts. "Not today – not on his birthday."

"What?" Richard bellows. "You're not going to _let_ me?"

"He's six years old, did you even know that?"

"What exactly are you going to do to me, stupid bitch?" he sneers. "Who gives the orders around here?"

And then there's that thump and muffled scream that Ollie's heard far too many times and always dreads. It comes again and again but he doesn't hear his Mom make a sound anymore. Ollie perches on the edge of the stool with slumped shoulders and looks at the candles that still smoulder on the cake.

Perhaps he doesn't do it right; his wishes never come true. Every single year, it's the same thing; he doesn't know why it never works. Birthday wishes are somehow done wrong, letters to Santa must get lost along the way. The fighting goes on in the next room and Ollie pads off to bed where Abby's old t shirt will be used to wipe his tears and running nose, leaving cake, candles and presents forgotten. He only ever wishes for one thing and he tries really hard to be a good boy all year long but somehow – somehow every day ends the same.

**- o -**


	17. Fly South For Winter

**Wow guys, you didn't let me down!**

**Special thanks must go to a "raeraegreen"**

**Only because your multiple reviewing and constant name-changing cracked me up**

**_8 more cornflake breakfasts til school!!!_**

**But thanks all for getting me up to 160 and beyond**

**I really gotta hand it to ya**

**Thank you loads to:**

**Carby6, striker20, jlkj, Lispa, Dracula5555, carbytothecore, starbright, hyperpiper91, Carby-Always, Caroline25, loocy, Proffy, Hibbs, jeni, Angel Dust, fiery red-haired girl and missy-maura (who also reviewed c14)**

**So here's the 17th chapter as promised**

**It's shorter but then it took a lot outta me**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Seventeen. Fly South For Winter**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 16: Eric gets a job. Carter buys Ollie a baseball, bat and glove. It is his 6th birthday and ends, as always, with his parents fighting.

**o**

**o**

**o**

****

_The fighting goes on in the next room and Ollie pads off to bed._

_He only ever wishes for one thing and he tries really hard to be a good boy all year long but somehow – somehow every day ends the same_

- o -

"Ollie? Ollie." Abby hisses in the darkened room. "Ollie, honey wake up." Her voice is full of urgency and fear. She flicks on the light in Ollie's bedroom and Ollie sits up blearily. His Mom is pressed up against the bedroom door and someone on the other side is fighting to open it.

"Don't think you can hide from me, Abby!" Richard yells. Abby turns a dry sob into a bitter laugh and forces a smile for Ollie and stares desperately up at the ceiling, her feet slipping on the bedroom carpet and doing all they can to hold the door shut.

"Grab some things, sweetheart, we have to go." Abby instructs Ollie, firmly but trying not to worry him. The banging on the door stops and she holds her breath, dreading what comes next. Ollie sits frozen on his bed and stares in horror at her; one side of her face is red and swollen, one of her sleeves has been completely torn off and she has tears that haven't fully dried on her cheeks. Abby beams at him.

"I'm sorry, honey. Please, we have really gotta go now," she whispers softly. "So Ollie, get some clothes for tomorrow, okay? Can you do that for me, honey?" Ollie nods dumbly and steps cautiously out of bed.

"That's it, just get some things quickly. It'll be alright," Abby encourages him. Then, suddenly, a huge crash makes the door jolt forwards and Abby screams in shock – there's a split running all the way down the wooden door.

"Oh God," Abby gasps, breathing fast. Ollie stops packing, looks at her and starts to cry

"Hey, hey it's okay, baby." But she doesn't sound convinced. Without thinking, she leaves the door and wraps her arms around him.

"Don't cry, Ollie. It's ok," she soothes, using one hand to finish packing for him and the other to stroke his soft brown hair. Richard bursts into the room, brandishing the baseball bat that he had used to break the door. Crying in his mother's arms, Ollie faintly hears his baseball bat thump repeatedly against something but he's safe, here in his Mom's arms he knows he's safe.

Abby grits her teeth, determined not to make a sound as Richard swings the bat against her back and head. She hugs her son tighter; Richard won't touch him. After a while Richard tires and Abby staggers to her feet, picks up Ollie and his bag as she stumbles out the door. Her head spins as she reels down the hall, half-running, half-falling down the stairs in a dazed state. Ollie clings to her and she hangs tightly onto him, ignoring her sprained wrist and fresh injuries that beg her to collapse – she has to get away.

"Where d'you think you're going?" Richard demands, his voice echoes down from the top of the stairwell but Abby is on the ground floor now and she's out the door before he can even begin to come after her.

Her feet pound the grey paving slabs but Abby can't really feel it anymore; the view ahead shimmers and spins as though it is all held above a flame. She has run a few blocks and really can't keep this up – they must've got away by now.

"We're okay," she announces, decidedly and she struggles to catch her breath as she sets Ollie down the on ground, still in his pyjamas. "Are you okay?" Ollie nods but shivers all the same, his bare-feet aren't used to standing on the concrete sidewalk at 11 o'clock. Abby grins despite everything that's happened and gets some shoes from his bag.

"Scared?" she asks. Ollie shakes his head furiously. Abby laughs slightly. "It's okay to be scared. But we're safe now." She lifts him up and sits him on her hip, holding him to keep him warm but his teeth still chatter in her ear. She kisses him. "You can go to sleep if you want."

"Where are we going?" he mumbles sleepily, resting his tear-stained face on her shoulder. Abby shifts him slightly with her left arm to get a better grip; her right arm hangs limp at her side, finally giving in to the pain that keeps randomly surging in it. She prays it isn't broken.

"Somewhere safe," she promises. "And warm," she adds as he shivers slightly. She feels him nod slightly and keeps on walking.

* * *

Her white knuckles rap against the door. It is half-past eleven at night and she doesn't exactly know how she'll explain herself, but Ollie's asleep in her arms and the pain has really started to kick into her arm, her head, her back, her ribs…the list goes on. She takes a step back and waits on the front porch. The door rattles and eventually swings open.

"Abby? Oh my god…" The reaction is what she expected; she is, after all, standing battered and bruised on the doorstep in the middle of the night.

"Hey," she greets, cheerfully.

"What happened?"

"It's not your fault or anything," she begins. "But perhaps buying him a baseball bat wasn't the best of plans." Abby smiles weakly at Carter who actually looks like he's going to cry. "Can we stay for a while?"

"Jesus, yes – of course." Carter lets them in, shutting the door behind them.

- o -


	18. Stay

**Ok all, after all that incredible reviewing you did, I hate to disappoint**

**But let me just clarify, here:**

**Abby hasn't fully left Richard for Carter**

**She just has kind of – sought refuge**

**Or flown south for winter**

**But don't despair! **

**There's**** still quite a few chapters to go!**

**Thanks for, as I said, your incredible reviewing**

**Carby-Always, overrated, love-carby, raeraegreen (who also reviewed C16!!), Hibbs, mcan3, Carby6, Kathryntally (who I'm guessing is from the Channel4 forum), fiery red-haired girl, starbright, carby luva 313, carbytothecore, Dracula5555, striker20, hyperpiper91, sam, Angel Dust, eve1980, loocy, dynamitedawn, missy-maura, mandi, Britgirl2003, Caroline25 and Dragonfly Faith.**

**Wow – that looks even more now it's all written up.**

**NICE ONE, GUYS!**

**But I'll stop talking now and let you read the more…important stuff**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Eighteen. Stay**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 17: Richard uses the baseball bat against Abby and she leaves for Carter's with Ollie.

**o**

**o**

**o**

****

_Abby grits her teeth, determined not to make a sound as Richard swings the bat against her back and head._

- o -

"Wow…" Abby stands in the big hallway, looking around her and suddenly feeling very small and out of place. "I guess you've got a few rooms to spare, then." Carter smiles slightly and takes the sleeping six year old from her. He leads her up a staircase, carrying the small boy as she rubs her bruised shoulder. Opening a large panelled door reveals a big room with two beds in it, perfectly made and looking as though they were never slept in. He lays Ollie down onto the smaller bed and steps back for Abby to tuck him in. She kisses her son, the birthday boy, and strokes his hair back off of his forehead before turning to Carter with a smile.

"Thank you," she whispers in the quiet room but he only shrugs.

"Will you tell me what happened?" he asks. Abby looks at Ollie and then sits on the edge of the other bed. Carter sits beside her in the silence.

"I – um – well it sort of…um…" Abby frowns, trying to sort the muddled memories into chronological order.

"Do you want to go downstairs? Get a drink?" he suggests, cutting her off as he sees the confusion crease her bruised face. "Or some first aid?" Abby raises her eyebrows but gets shakily to her feet. He catches her as she falls off balance; he says nothing but his face is etched with deep concern.

* * *

"Ow…" Abby breathes in and bites her lip as Carter inspects the re-opened cut on her forehead. They sit in the dining room at a table.

"Sorry," Carter wipes away some blood and looks at it again. "I should put some new stitches in that." Abby laughs while taking a sip of water.

"Got a suture kit handy?" she jokes. Carter raises his eyebrows and opens a drawer in the dining room cabinet.

"I do, actually." He replies, holding one up. Abby shakes her head in disbelief.

"Wow, you have everything here, don't you John?" she smiles. He leans over and begins to work on the deep wound on her forehead.

"Sorry if I hurt you," he apologises in advance and she looks doubtful.

"After everything, do you think _this_ would hurt me?" she comments, bitterly. Carter is silent. Everything is silent.

"I'm sorry," Abby says finally. Carter draws back having finished the stitches.

"Huh? Why are you saying sorry?"

"I don't know. You seem upset," she shrugs.

"I am upset, but it's not your fault." Carter answers. "All I can do is patch you up when you come to me beaten and abused. I can't stop it. Do you know how much that's killing me?"

"But you understand, don't you?" Abby urges. "You can see why nothing must be said, can't you? If he can do this to me then he can do it to Ollie. He swung that baseball bat at Ollie but it's just good luck that I was in between."

"Good luck?" Carter repeats, incredulously. "Good Luck? Abby, he beat you with a baseball bat. Where did he get you?" Abby looks at the floor and refuses to answer for a while.

"Well, my back, I guess," she relents, in a dull voice. "And my right arm…my ribs…my head…" Carter stares at her with a pained and distraught expression and she looks at him with an uncertain smile.

"Oh god, Abby." He murmurs and gets up from his chair, wandering around the room. "What kind of a person am I, to let this go on?"

"A great person," Abby asserts with that same earnest look that Ollie often had. "A _really_ great person who I can trust. This is not your fault, John."

"And it's not yours, either." He says, despairingly. "So why are you putting up with it? Yes – I know. Ollie. But Abby…Abby…"

"What?" her voice takes a defensive edge. "You don't have kids – how can you even begin to know?"

"This isn't about whether I can fully empathise with you or not – you're really badly injured, can't you see that?" Carter's voice rises.

"I'm fine, I'll get over it," she snaps, getting to her feet. The next moments don't exist in Abby's memory because, due to the sudden leap up coupled with the bruises all over her skull, she collapses on John Carter's dining room floor, unconscious.

* * *

Abby Lockhart wakes in the arms of John Carter and just gazes at him for a while, convinced she's still knocked out. He looks straight ahead as he carries her carefully up the stairs and gently lays her onto the other bed in Ollie's room. As he slides her limp body under the covers she struggles to sit up.

"Is this real?" she asks, confused. John smiles patiently.

"Yeah – you blacked out for a few minutes."

Abby rests her head gingerly onto the soft pillow and says nothing while Carter takes a seat by her bed.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I never was," Carter replies simply.

"Okay."

Carter sighs and absentmindedly strokes her hair while she closes her tired eyes.

"I thought you always used to be mad at me cos you hated me," Abby continues. "I thought you hated me for drinking."

"I didn't. It was just worry, I guess," Carter answers. "I didn't want you to let yourself go when you're so much better than this. You deserved better than a stupid drink problem. I cared about you; I didn't see it then, but I really cared about you. I still do."

There's a pause.

"I should take you to the ER," he tells her, quietly. She opens her eyes.

"Please don't," she looks worried. "I swear I'm fine."

"You are not fine. But don't worry, you can sleep here. I've got a whole load of medical stuff here anyway." She shuts her eyes again and smiles, starting to drift off to sleep.

"You really have got everything you want, haven't you?"

Carter shrugs. "Well anything you want, you can have." He offers. "You want anything?"

"I want…" Abby mumbles sleepily, not really listening to anything she's saying. "I want to stay here forever." He looks up.

"But you _can_. You can stay here. Both of you," he insists. "Abby…? Abby?"

Abby is asleep.

The Carter family have vast amounts of money, big houses and fast cars. John Carter grew up believing and always thought he had everything he could ever want until Abby Lockhart walked away from him that cool calm night in early June. After that, everything meant nothing. He sighs heavily as he sits between the two beds.

"Well, if you need anything…" he whispers in the dark room. Both Ollie and Abby are fast asleep but John Carter sits up all night – just in case.

- o -


	19. The Art Of Being Lonely

**So here we go again**

**Tying up loose ends**

**And flitting between Susan/Eric and Carter/Abby/Ollie**

**First I have to say thanks to the following:**

**DragonflyFaith****, carbytothecore, starbright, Carby-Always, maura, striker20, Heaven is Overrated, Mrs. Rhett Butler, Carby6, mandi, Dracula5555, loocy and hyperpiper91.**

**It was really great of you to review even though I didn't ask this time**

**And hey!**

**I'm onto about 200 reviews!**

**Aren't you proud of me??**

**Yeah, so anyway**

**There is an art to being lonely**

**It just happens to go like this – **

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Nineteen. The Art Of Being Lonely**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 18: Abby and Ollie stay the night at Carter's house.

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"I want…" Abby mumbles sleepily, not really listening to anything she's saying. "I want to stay here forever."_

- o -

Ollie sits up in the oversized bed and stared around him in a curious, apprehensive way. Where exactly is he? He remembers his birthday, the presents and candles. Then…then that fight. And then chaos. The door – the door got smashed and he was scared and Mom was scared because they had to run away. And then he fell asleep. And woke up here. He scans the room again.

"Hey Ollie!" a familiar voice whispers and he turns to see Carter looking very tired. He sits in a chair and, beside the chair, Abby is asleep in another bed. "Sleep okay?" He asks and Ollie nods.

"Is my Mom…?"

"She's alright. Just a bit tired," Carter assures him. "Do you want to get some breakfast?" Ollie nods again and clambers out of the large bed, slightly tangled in the duvet.

"Thanks John," he squeaks as Carter takes his hand and leads him down to the kitchens.

* * *

Susan Lewis scrabbles through various drawers in her flat, cursing darkly to herself.

"Lost something?" Eric offers, chirpily. Susan looks up, flustered.

"Have you seen my necklace anywhere?"

Eric pauses before replying: "The one that broke?" And Susan rolls her eyes, cursing some more, remembering.

"What's the problem, anyway?" Eric asks, eventually as she rushes through the flat. "It's just the ER."

"No…" Susan explains vaguely. "Jing-Mei is insisting on setting me up with some guy afterwards so I won't be back until late."

"Oh," Eric says, dully. "Oh – okay then."

* * *

"Thanks John," Ollie chirps again, for the sixth time, reaching for his glass of orange juice.

"It's no problem," Carter returns for the sixth time. "Any time."

Ollie digs his spoon into his cereal and sits quietly. John's house was really, really big – it made him feel even smaller than he already was. And John had lots of different cereals to choose from.

"Your Mom should probably be left to sleep a while; you both had a pretty long day yesterday," Carter tells him. "So would you like to play something? There's a pretty big garden outside…"

"I left my baseball stuff at home…we had to…cos my Dad…" Ollie begins, before stopping, wondering if he could talk about home stuff with John. He remembers his bat cracking down the door and how Mom yelled. Could he tell John about home stuff? Wasn't John a friend before but then he wasn't and now they're at his house…it was confusing…

"We can play soccer, instead," Carter offers, seeing the small boy's face wrinkle in the effort to understand. Fair enough, too. Carter barely grasped the hideously complex situation that they were in; the whole tumult of loyalty, lies and love took its toll.

* * *

Abby wakes in a room she faintly remembers. Her head aches badly and she takes a while to sit up. When she does, she squints around the empty room, wondering where everyone has gone. Just then a woman scuttles through the room, out from one of the doors that break up the grand, wood panelled walls. The woman wipes her hands on her apron and smiles at Abby.

"Master John thought you might like a bath when you woke up," she informs her, meekly. "Everything is in there." She points through the door where she came through and where steam is steadily rising from.

"…Thanks," Abby smiles eventually, still surprised at the Carters' wealth. The woman nods and disappears out through another door. Abby gets up and peers through the door into an ornate bathroom – everything really is in there and Abby can't help but raise her eyebrows at the incredible contrast this was to how she might have woken – beaten and bloody on her living room floor.

John Carter really went all out for his guests.

* * *

Delighted laughter warms the Carter family estate and fills it with something that it had been void of for a very, very long time. The grounds hadn't been played on before, only admired. The people hadn't ever been chatted to, just conversed with. It had only ever been a house – never a home.

"No! How did I let that one through?" Carter kneels in the grass in front of the goal and yells into the sky with a great display of melodrama that he never knew he had in him. "You're too fast for me, Ollie!"

Ollie laughs and runs around the lawn in noisy triumph – he had never made this much noise in his life, he never knew he was capable of it. Carter grins and plucks the ball from the back of the net, rolling it back to the little boy.

"Go on, have another shot – I'll get you this time," Carter challenges him.

"No, you won't!" Ollie teases. "You'll never get me" He runs up and takes a shot. Carter dives theatrically and falls to his knees once more as the ball tumbles, unopposed, into the goal. Ollie hoots with laughter as Carter picks him up and flings him over his shoulder.

"See, I've got you now, haven't I?" Carter jokes, tickling him as he hangs over Carter's broad shoulder.

"It's Mom!" Ollie looks up to see his mother laughing and waving from where she stands watching them through the patio doors. Carter puts the boy back onto the ground and strolls back up the house while the six year old dashes to Abby who greets him with open arms.

"Hi honey, did you have fun playing with John?" Abby smiles and ruffles his hair.

"Yeah!" Ollie enthuses before adding uncertainly: "He's a friend, right?"

"Yes, he definitely is," Abby confirms and gingerly lifts her son onto her hip before turning to Carter. "Thank you John; you really have been the best." She smoothes back Ollie's hair and kisses his forehead. "Have you got your stuff?" she asks him. "We gotta go now."

"Already?" Carter blurts out. Abby shrugs.

"I'm sorry – it's almost 4 o'clock. You probably have lots of other things to do," she reasons.

"There's nothing I want to do without you," he replies.

"Yeah, Mom – can't we stay?" Ollie begs.

"Ollie, sorry, we need to go before Daddy gets home," she says, firmly. Both he and Carter wear the same dejected faces and stare at her with the same puppy dog eyes.

"Please?"

"I'm sorry," Abby repeats. "But thank you very much, John."

"Thank you John," Ollie agrees.

"That's okay," but his voice falls heavily. "You could stay here with me forever." Abby looks pained.

"You know I can't."

"But you said you wanted to," Carter argues.

"Carter, I really don't think that I'm up for another fight right now," Abby answers sharply.

"And it's what I want, more than anything else." He breezes past her last comment.

"Please don't make this harder than it is," she bites her bottom lip and doesn't look at him, though he stares earnestly at her.

"You could both stay here with me," Carter urges and Ollie looks hopefully at his Mom without saying anything. "I promise you, you'd both be safe. Nothing bad would happen…"

"Don't promise things that are beyond you," Abby cuts him off. He falls silent and just looks at her. Abby sighs and leans up to kiss him on the cheek before going out through the vast front door. "I'll see you tomorrow, John."

* * *

There is nothing in Dr. Lewis' flat that can occupy Eric, who stalks the apartment, restless and indecisive. It is nothing without her in it, throwing random comments around and having heated arguments with inanimate objects. He shudders to think that right now she could be sitting with someone who might go on to forever watch her burst angrily through the front door every afternoon and drip her sarcastic remarks into every conversation. Eric bets that they'd never appreciate those things as much as he does. He gets up – he's got to keep busy; it makes him too angry to just sit and think about it. It's infuriating and yet shocking to find himself feeling all of this over his sister's friend. This must somehow be very wrong.

Eric stamps around the condo and mutters grumpily at every object in his way – now he sees why Susan does it – it is, in a way, quite fun. It is 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she won't be home for ages. He sinks onto the sofa and sits, fuming.

* * *

John Carter holds his head in his hands as the late afternoon light slinks across the cold, polished floors. He sighs for the millionth time, groans for the millionth time and still he sits on the third step of the winding mahogany staircase, staring blankly at that vast front door like he has done for the past hour. This situation – it was so complicated that it actually hurt. Or maybe he just hurt anyway.

He sighs, groans and punches the banister – he hates this house now, for all of its vacant solitude and lifeless hostility. He is back to feeling what he always felt towards it: like it wasn't really his. How is the envied bank balance of Dr. Carter going to help him with this? This was something his parent's never taught him and led him to always believe that money could, to some extent, solve all problems. This is was a harsh lesson his parent's failed to teach him; but maybe they never learnt it themselves.

No matter how many dollars he could throw at this dilemma, nothing would change. Abby would still stand quietly by her husband's side and pose as the happy family whilst behind closed doors she would take countless, vicious beatings just to let her six year old son reach seven. And all the while she would smile happily and beg Carter to let this carry on.

The Carter mansion was big enough for several families yet it never really felt like a family home until today. Now, as he finally gets up from where he sat on the third step on the staircase, it was back to normal once more – distant and unfriendly. Only now he knew what it was to have the corridors come alive with people – real people – walking through them and hearing a whirl of familiar voices buzz through the once-adverse walls. You never miss what you never had but now the whole place seems to ache and groan on its foundations, finally realising its emptiness and Carter can't help but feel the same.

- o -


	20. Promises, Promises

**Heya**** all!**

**Thanks a lot – I hope these words haven't lost all meaning now – for the reviews**

**Britgirl2003, starbright, Carby-Always, Dracula5555, Carby6, Angel Dust, kat, maura, stephanie, JanBry, Trapped In A Matchbox, carby luva 313 and gotluka'scookies.**

**(gotluka'scookies – did you read All I Ever Needed, cos I think I remember thanking you before. Thanks for bothering to read all these chapters in one go)**

**Anyway, I really do appreciate it**

**So thanks again**

**Now things start to fall apart**

**Or come together**

**As with most things, it depends how you look at it, really**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Twenty. Promises, Promises**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 19: Eric misses Susan when she goes out on a date. Carter, Abby and Ollie have a great time at his house but all good things come to an end.

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"Don't promise things that are beyond you."_

- o -

The front door of Susan's apartment clicks open and she trudges in.

"I swear Jing-Mei did that on purpose," she declares on entering. Eric looks up and his face breaks into a grin as he sees her standing there: as fed-up as ever.

"So, did you have a good –"

"Don't even start, Eric." Susan points a warning finger at him and marches straight past the counter of her open plan kitchen, where he sits beaming, and into her bedroom. Eric keeps his head down and waits a while. In a few moments, she emerges holding a black jewellery box.

"What's this?" she asks, suspicious. Eric shrugs with a smile.

"Open it," he suggests and she lifts to lid to reveal a silver necklace in the velvet-lined box. Susan says nothing but lets the chain of the necklace run between her fingers as she holds it up.

"I guess someone heard bout your broken one," Eric comments. Susan looks up at him with softly arched eyebrows.

"Well someone is being a bit too kind then," she replies, walking up to him and sitting on the other stool at the counter. "I can't take this, Eric."

"Why not? I've got a new job; who do I spend my money on?"

"Not me," Susan advises. "I come home everyday, pissed off and shouting. I really am not a very nice person to be around."

"I think you're great." Eric answers but this time he looks her in the eyes without shying away. "And I thought you might need cheering up." They look at each other, a thousand thoughts racing through both minds but still indecision tops them all.

"Want to try it on?" Eric breaks the silence, finally. He clasps the delicate chain around her neck and she turns back to him with a slight smile.

"It's really pretty. Thank you – though I don't deserve it – thank you," Susan murmurs.

"I'm glad you like it; it suits you," Eric tells her. Then, before hesitation and doubt takes a hold of her, she reaches up and, hands on either side of his face, she kisses him.

* * *

"You did _what_?!" Jing-Mei Chen sits on a spare ER bed in Curtain 3.

"Shh…keep it down – she's working today." Susan hisses and pulls the curtain round further.

"But he's her brother. You're just meant to be giving him somewhere to stay – this isn't some package deal, Susan." Chen struggles to keep her voice down.

"I know, I know." Susan moans. "I mean, I barely know Abby, I'm just helping her out, but I really don't think she'd appreciate me kissing her younger brother."

"Do you even know _him_?" Jing-Mei persists, her voice rising. "What did you say to him? Hey, welcome to Chicago – I'm going to stick my tongue down your throat."

"Will you shut up?" Susan tells her. "How do I deal with this? I can't chuck him out, but I really can't carry on doing this."

"I don't know, ask Abby."

"Yeah, how exactly? I've never actually had an intensely serious conversation with her, am I just gonna start with this?"

"Come on, it's not so bad; we're all adults – actually…how old is her little brother?"

"That's not funny. He's only a few years younger than me. We'll sort it out."

"I just can't believe you kissed him so soon after meeting him."

"Oh give me a break – he's a really sweet guy."

"But he's still Abby's little brother," Jing-Mei reminds her.

At that moment, the curtain scrapes open and Carter stands staring at them.

"You know Abby's little brother?" he demands. Susan groans loudly and attempts to bury her head in the mattress.

"I told you to shut up," she mutters to Jing-Mei. Carter looks blankly at her and asks instead:

"Is he here in Chicago?"

"Yeah," Jing-Mei answers, confused. "Eric. He's staying at Susan's."

"Thanks." Carter nods. Then he pauses. "Is Susan alright?" Susan sits up.

"Did you hear anything else of that conversation?"

"Nope."

"Then I'm great." She chirps and calmly walks off to her next patient. Carter looks at Jing-Mei quizzically.

"Don't ask."

* * *

As Carter stands in the hall just outside Susan's front door, he hesitates. It was lucky for him that his shift finished and that he just so happened to be passing Curtain 3 on his way out. It was also lucky that Susan was still at work as he didn't think that it would be right to tell her just yet.

But would it be right to tell her brother? After all, Abby desperately reminded him all the time to never, never _ever_ tell anybody. But this was different – this was her brother, he had a right to know. He should know. He deserves to know. It was different. It was okay. Wasn't it?

It doesn't matter anyway, he's going to tell Eric and he knocks sharply on the front door. The door swings open eventually and Eric stands in the doorway.

"Hey…" Eric greets, slightly confused. "It's John, right?"

"Yeah, I…erm…I work with Abby and Susan…" Carter begins, awkwardly.

"Oh right – Susan's not in right now," Eric tells him.

"That's okay – I kind of need to talk to you about something."

"Sure, come in." Eric ushers him in, a little puzzled. He hoped this wasn't about what happened with him and Susan because he was still very dazed about that.

"I need to talk to you about Abby," Carter announces, drawing in a deep breath. "And I really don't know where to start but I think you need to know about this…"

* * *

Carter is walking down obscure streets in Chicago; the last hour or so has been a haze of mixed emotion like some overly rich cocktail that has left him feeling sick and dizzy. And guilty. Now he's having second thoughts. Eric's reaction to it was as expected. Shocked then angry then upset and torn. He, himself, had been stuck in the third stage for days and it has steadily got worse. Talking to someone had not made it better, in fact he feels worse. Abby had trusted him on this. And he broke that trust. He shouldn't have done it; he shouldn't have done it,

The doctor sits for a while on a bench and sighs. His hands are pale and shake as he buries his head in them. Pulling himself together he gets up and heads to the only place that could clear this dank feeling – to Abby's.

* * *

Eric has been very quiet. It hasn't helped that Susan returned home from work without her usual banging and yelling – something has changed and not just between them. She sits beside him on the couch in a prolonged silence before turning decisively towards him.

"I'm sorry," she says. Eric looks up surprised.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry," she repeats. "It really wasn't appropriate what I did last night, was it?"

"Huh? No, no – it's not that at all. I just…" Eric struggles to find his words but Susan just watches patiently, a gentle smile gracing her face. "I got some…bad news today."

"Oh –" Susan replies softly. "What was it?"

"I can't say," Eric sighs eventually and it seems to carry more age and heaviness than anything she'd heard.

"Ok," she nods and doesn't press further.

"I wish that I could tell you, though," he says, hurriedly, hoping she's not offended. "I really do, cos it's killing me, Susan. I don't know what to do. I never thought – I mean – I didn't realise – and I should've –"

"Hey…hey it's okay," Susan soothes and puts her arm around him. "It's alright."

"But it's not," Eric insists. Susan sees straight into his brown eyes and while hers are full of concern, he looks like he's about to cry.

"Well then it will be," she answers firmly. He looks at her and buries his face into her shoulder. She wraps her arms around him and he holds her tightly but what he pictures behind his closed eyes causes tears to run down his face. His own sister – why hadn't he been there for her?

* * *

Abby leaves Ollie's room having put him to bed. There is duct tape patching up the battered door and all sharp and/or heavy objects have since been removed from the Lockhart household. Richard Lockhart will not be returning home today as he is attending a conference somewhere on the outskirts of the state, although god knows how he's managed to hold onto his job, but when there's a knock on the door she still gets that same feeling of dread and fear sickening her stomach.

Carter stands in the open doorway with a gaunt and guilt-ridden face.

"Abby – Abby I'm sorry."

Suddenly she feels as though she can't stand and her arms shake as she leans against the doorframe. Her heart races with a nauseating panic and her voice comes out choked and tight.

"Oh god, John – who did you tell?"

- o -


	21. Something New Everyday

**The end is nigh, folks**

**But the reviews just keep on rollin' in!**

**So thank you to all the following:**

**britgirl2003, starbright, Carby-Always, Mrs. Rhett Butler, carbytothecore, Dracula5555, striker20, Angel Dust, hyperpiper91, Emily, mandi, iloveleo15 and gotluka'scookies (also thanks for bothering to catch up with All I Ever Needed! Appreciate it!)**

**This chapter is fairly short**

**In fact, the way things are going, this intro will probably turn out longer**

**But I hope it gets the point across, better than this**

**Which is basically just thank-you's **

**And my constant reminder for you to, if nothing else:**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Twenty-One. Something New Everyday**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 20: Carter tells Eric about Richard and Abby but guilt hits him and he goes to Abby to confess. (Susan and Eric kiss).

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"I really don't know where to start but I think you need to know about this…"_

- o -

"Eric," Carter admits. Abby pulls him into the apartment and shuts the door behind him.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she breathes.

"He's your brother – he has a right to know," Carter replies.

"Yes but surely I should be the one to tell him," she snaps, despairingly.

"I'm sorry," Carter whispers.

"What good is 'sorry' now? Did you explain to him or is he dialling 911 as we speak?"

"I told him everything you told me – he said he wasn't going to say anything."

"Yeah well that's exactly what you said, too." Abby says bitterly and turns away from him. He says nothing; he shouldn't have said anything.

"But Abby…" Carter begins. "Abby, this has to stop. How long can you keep this up? How much more of this can you take?"

"As much as it takes to keep my son safe," she answers without hesitation. "And maybe now it's going to take a lot more."

"I only want to help you –"

"I know that. But this is not helping. Eric is just another person who I'll have to have all these arguments with," Abby sighs. "Nobody understands this, they just can't see."

"But do you think that this is helping Ollie? He has to see and hear you getting attacked every night. He has to wake up to find you knocked unconscious on the floor. And all for him – how do you think that makes him feel?"

"He doesn't _know_, John. He doesn't know that his dad would happily kill him just to see the look on my face. He doesn't know that the only reason I put up with all of Richard's crap is to keep him safe. Of course it'd mess him up to know that I've been taking this for six years just so he won't get hurt. What, do you think I'd tell him this? It'd mess up any six-year old to know that their mother is getting the crap kicked out of her just for them."

Abby didn't realise she was yelling until she stops. They stand in the ringing silence and Carter thrusts his hands into his pockets.

"So what now?" he asks. Abby looks at him.

"Same as ever," she replies.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I couldn't watch you get hurt anymore when there's nothing I can do to stop it."

"There's nothing anyone can do to stop it and that's okay," she assures him. "Everyone is a spectator; the only choice you have is whether or not you watch. If it's tearing you up, John – don't watch. You shouldn't have to be ruined by something that you're not involved in."

"It's too late," he shrugs. "I can't just stop caring about you."

Carter smiles slightly with pained eyes and then turns and leaves. Abby sighs and disappears into her own bedroom to fall asleep.

Minutes earlier, a small boy was reaching for a glass of water in the kitchen but now he's not so thirsty. It'd mess up any six-year old to know that their mother is getting the crap kicked out of her just for them and Oliver Elliot Lockhart was certainly stunned.

- o -


	22. Just For You Again

**Argh**** – it's all almost over**

**I feel incredibly pathetic for wishing it wasn't ending so quickly**

**Yes**

**I am pathetic**

**Heh heh, oh well – what can ya do?**

**Apart from thank all you reviewing geniuses:**

**loocy****, starbright, gotluka'scookies, Carby-Always, Mrs. Rhett Butler, hyperpiper91, eve1980, aphrael-chibi, proffy, Sampa-girl, britgirl2003, mandi, maura, Emily, striker20, Carby6 and Dracula5555**

**This is chapter 22 of 24**

**Chapter 25 will just be a mega thank-you thing **

**As well as some tying up of loose ends**

**And answering any questions**

**If you've got any**

**But I'm going to stop talking about this useless crap**

**And let you get on with reading**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Twenty-Two. Just For You (Again)**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 21: Carter and Abby talk about how Abby stays silent to protect Ollie but they speak too loudly and Ollie hears.

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"Everyone is a spectator; the only choice you have is whether or not you watch. If it's tearing you up, John – don't watch."_

- o -

Susan reaches into her locker and tries to gather her stuff as fast as possible – there some strange sort of tension in the Lounge as she, Carter and Abby collect their belongings to leave the ER at the end of a quiet and overwrought shift.

"Phone call for you, Abby," Chuny pokes her head round the door.

"Okay, I'll take it in here," Abby replies and Chuny disappears again.

"So…" Carter begins to stiffly speak to Susan whilst Abby lifts the phone off the receiver. "How's Eric?"

"Erm – okay. He's okay," Susan answers sharply before adding: "But I wouldn't really know…" She buries her head deeper into her locker hoping Carter doesn't take the conversation further but, thankfully, the stilted silence is abruptly cut short.

"Oh god," Abby shouts suddenly, dropping the phone which swings wildly on the cord. She has jumped back from it and stands with her hands clamped over her mouth, a distressed expression on her face. She didn't hear much through the phone call but she heard enough.

"You damn well better come down here and bail me out," his raucous voice buzzed down the line. It was all she needed to hear before the phone went dead.

"What is it?" Carter turns to her.

"How could you Carter? It was bad enough that you told my brother," her voice is higher and strained, she speaks too quickly and both Carter and Susan struggle to keep track of her panicked talking. "Oh god, I've got to get Ollie from school. How many times did we go through it? You promised me you'd tell no-one. And I trusted you. I shouldn't have, though. Oh god, I shouldn't trust anyone with this."

Susan looks to Carter, confused but Carter seems to know what she was saying because he takes hold of her by her shoulders, forcing her to calm down.

"Abby – who found out? What's going on?" he asks, gently.

"They arrested Richard," she tells him, faintly.

"I didn't call the cops, Abby."

"Then who did?" she pauses and then they both turn to look at a bewildered Susan standing there, apprehensive of what's coming next.

"Eric," Carter realises. "I'm so sorry, Abby. Oh Jesus…"

"Susan – get Eric and make him meet us at the Police Station," Abby instructs before grabbing her bag and heading out the door.

"Okay…" Susan nods slowly, thinking this really isn't a good time to ask what the hell is going on.

"Where are you going?" Carter calls, dashing after her.

"I've got to get my son," Abby's voice shakes though she speaks firmly and decisively.

"Then I'm coming with you," he grabs her hand and she looks vacantly at him. "It'll be quicker in my car." He offers and leads her off to the staff car park.

* * *

Oliver Lockhart was in the middle of some kind of finger-painting in the corner of his classroom and then there was a crazy blur of activity. He's guessing that's what's brought him here, perched on Abby's hip, hurrying down some corridor somewhere with John striding along beside her. A police officer, complete with his hat and badge, leads them through the clean halls with a confused Uncle Eric lagging behind them with the blonde lady – another friend from work.

"Here he is," the officer stops outside some metal bars and points into the cell. Richard Lockhart glares out from inside, his tuxedo jacket flung on the floor and his tie loosened – he looks pissed off.

"Who's this?" Eric asks. Abby turns to him, her eyes blazing in a mix of anger and fear.

"This is my husband – this is Richard," and Eric can't help but notice her voice trembles. After the conversation with John last night, everything clicks together. Now the only clueless one there is Susan.

"What's going on?" she whispers aside to Carter. Carter looks at Abby.

"Can I tell Susan?" he asks.

"Go ahead – what difference will it make?" she says flatly.

"I warned you Abby – why would you go and do a stupid thing like this?" Richard snarls through the bars like some rabid animal.

"Shall we leave them?" Carter suggests to Susan and she nods, only too happy to go. This was her first time in meeting Richard Lockhart and she can't help but dislike him. Maybe it's the instant bad impression she gets from the fact that he's locked up in a cell or maybe it's the weird way he's leering at her – either way, she eagerly follows Carter out.

"You know what happens now, don't you?" Richard raises his voice and Abby closes her eyes, trying to block him out and sort things out with Eric. "I won't be in here forever. Shame that." Abby takes a breath and grips Ollie tighter as she fixes Eric with a hard stare.

"Didn't John explain it to you?" she demands. "Why did you have to call the cops? Did you even stop to think about everything?"

"Abby – Abby…"

"Jesus Christ, Eric – you just turn up in Chicago randomly and now you're taking control of my life?"

"Abby, listen to me – "

"What gives you the right to make my choices for me? This is not for you to decide upon."

"I know," he asserts but she just looks blankly at him.

"Hey, Ollie?" Richard tries to reach to the boy through the bars whilst Abby and Eric talk. "Hey, you gonna come visit your Daddy in prison? It wasn't my fault, you know that, right? I haven't done anything. We can do stuff together when I get out…"

"Don't touch him," Abby retorts in a strangled voice, stepping back from the bars.

"Why not? He's our little boy, isn't he, Abby? He's my son," Richard croons softly.

"You're sick," Eric spits at him as he watches him in disgust and horror before turning back to Abby. "This guy deserves to be in here but Abby – Abby I didn't call the cops."

"Huh?" Abby looks at him closely but he's telling the truth.

"You can't keep my son from me, Abby – you're _my_ _wife_, remember?" murmurs Richard. Ollie twists in his mother's arms to face his father with a defiant glare.

"No – she's my Mom," he pipes up, loudly and clearly. "And I called 911." Then he looks at Uncle Eric who's standing, staggered and adds viciously: "You're sick!"

After the cacophony of voices, the cell is suddenly silent with the three of them just gaping at the six-year old boy who isn't scared of Richard Lockhart anymore.

"You called the cops?" Abby repeats, weakly.

"Oliver Lockhart?" the officer standing by verifies. "Yeah he called last night - told us when this guy would be in and everything." The officer points at a shocked Richard.

"What happens now, Richard?" Eric smiles down at the dumfounded man in prison. "What difference would it have made if Abby had told everyone? Your son was the one that put you away."

Richard says nothing but Abby still stares feverishly at Ollie.

"But Ollie – you don't understand – you don't know what you've done…" she shakes her head with anxiety creasing a frown onto her face.

"I do – I heard you and John talking about it last night." Ollie tells her, earnestly. "But it's okay; it's over now, Mom."

As Abby looks at her young son's face with wide eyes and happy smile, her own eyes fill with tears. Only a child could have so much faith in the law to trust that it would keep him safe. Only a child would put his mother's life above his and while his fingers had punched out the familiar 911 just last night, it was only Ollie who could've ended this. After all – it was so simple: she was his Mom. Eric puts his arm around her and leads her back out through the corridors but Abby doesn't feel it, she's just numb – she can't believe it's finally over.


	23. Lost Time

**Wahey**** for Ollie!**

**And for the reviewers, diligently reviewing your little hearts out!**

**PENULTIMATE CHAPTER!**

**But first, obviously, thank you all of these people:**

**Mrs. Rhett Butler, carbytothecore, Shadow Spade, starbright, striker20, Kathryntally, gotluka'scookies, Angel Dust, maura, Dracula5555, Hibbs, britgirl2003, Trapped in a Matchbox, Emily, LittleCoffeeAddict, Sampa-girl, loocy, mandi, hyperpiper91 and DragonflyFaith!**

**Read on – Read on**

**There may just be a sequel**

**Maybe**

**But for now:**

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Twenty-Three. Lost Time**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 22: Ollie calls the police and has Richard arrested – you gotta love the little guy.

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"I heard you and John talking about it last night."_ _Ollie tells her, earnestly. "But it's okay; it's over now, Mom."_

- o -

As soon as Eric, Abby and Ollie emerge from the back corridors, Susan rushes to her with bright, anxious eyes.

"Oh Abby…" is all she can manage to say. Abby was so very good at hiding her traumatic home life from them all that this had come as a huge, unimaginable shock.

"You okay, Eric?" Carter murmurs to Abby's brother who's looking quite pale.

"Yeah," he answers. "The guy's gonna get what he deserves, I guess." Carter smiles at him.

"Really want to beat him up, though," Carter comments. Eric laughs.

"How did you know?" he says with a grin.

* * *

Now they all sit in Carter's living room – inviting them all back for a spontaneous dinner isn't so hard when you have three kitchen staff. It is past ten o'clock and it has been a tiring day for six-year old Oliver Elliot Lockhart; he lies on one of Carter's many comfortable sofas and has long since fallen into a happy sleep. The four adults sit around a table with endless supplies of coffee continuously being brought to them while Abby finally, gladly, explains everything. 

"You know, I would've thought that, after everything with Mom and growing up and stuff," Abby says, mainly to Eric who nods and offers a smile. "I would've thought that I'd never take any crap from anybody. I thought I wouldn't stand for anything like that."

"Well, you won't have to anymore. He has nothing to hold against you," Eric murmurs. "And I'm gonna stay here in Chicago anyway – I'd like to see my sister and my nephew a whole lot more."

"Yeah, I'd like that," Abby smiles. A silence fills the room although it isn't awkward or empty. Ollie mumbles something in his sleep and Eric chuckles.

"Hey, well we'd better be going," he gets up with Susan and hugs his sister. "I'll see you sometime – thanks for dinner, John."

As the goodbyes are said and the pair walk out Abby can't help but notice Eric unconsciously slipping his hand into Susan's. She looks to John in the quiet room and now it's her turn to ask:

"So what now?"

* * *

Carter gently lays the sleeping boy onto the same bed he slept on last time and both he and Abby slip out of the room, shutting the door behind them. 

"Where do you want to sleep?" he asks and she looks at him with raised eyebrows.

"Got any other spare rooms?" she shrugs and he leads her to another room with another bed, opening the door for her with a slightly let down expression.

"Goodnight then," he says and Abby kisses him.

"Goodnight," she replies. They pause in the doorway, the same old confusion over rules causing second thoughts again. Then, Abby reaches her hand up and cups the side of his face with perfect grace, guiding his lips to hers. Carter kisses her again and again but as his hands move down her body, she freezes with a sort of defensive rigidity. He stops and looks at her to find a fearful pain glazed over her brown eyes. He strokes her face softly and she leans her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. She breathes deeply and inconsistently, ancient memories and memories of not so long ago – both the same – wrack her body with terror. Her heart is pounding; even Carter can feel it and a dizzy, sick feeling slips down her throat.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he whispers into her ear. He runs a hand through her hair, down her back and promises again: "I'm not going to hurt you, Abby."

She looks at him, uncertainly. A surge of fury floods him, anger at Richard and all that he's done to her forcing her to recall these harrowing memories with everything she does, but he fights it back and offers her a slight smile.

"You know that, right?" he murmurs, staring into her vacant eyes in sincerity. "I would never, never hurt you, Abby."

After a moment, she nods slightly and chews her lower lip.

"Everything – at the beginning – and we fought – I said some things – I didn't – I mean – I was only trying to – " she finds her voice in the darkness and struggles to put everything into words.

"You know what?" Carter interjects as her forehead creases with a confused frown. "Let's start over, shall we?"

Abby takes a breath, eventually letting herself smile and it is her who slips her hands under his shirt and finally leads him deeper into the dimly-lit bedroom.

- o -


	24. Look At You Now

**I was gonna hang on a bit longer**

**Try to get as much as I could out of Chapter Twenty-Three**

**But I really don't like that chapter as much as I like this one**

**So it's ending now**

**And maybe there'll be a sequel**

**And maybe there won't be**

**Don't get too excited if I put another chapter on the end of this**

**It will just be thank-yous and general chat**

**Not vital reading**

**Honest**

**Oh yeah and any questions will be answered then**

**If you have any**

**But I doubt that**

**Wow - I just don't shut up, do I?**

**So thanks to the following:**

**starbright****, striker20, CC , britgirl2003, gotluka'scookies, Carby-Always, Sampa-girl, maura, Angel Dust, Shadow Spade and hyperpiper91**

**Thanks, as always, thanks**

**And also, for the last time (?)**** – **

**Enjoy! Love LJ xXx**

**Beyond All Of Everything. Chapter Twenty-Four. Look At You Now**

**o**

**o**

**o**

**o **SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 23: Everything is pretty much over – Carter and Abby sleep together.

**o**

**o**

**o**

_"I won't hurt you," he whispers into her ear. He runs a hand through her hair, down her back and promises again: "I won't hurt you, Abby."_

- o -

TWO YEARS LATER

"Would she like this one?" Eric nudges Carter and points into another display case at the jeweller's. Carter squints at it through the glass and shrugs.

"No, y'know I think the one before was nicer," he says, shaking his head. "And Abby said she'd like that one anyway."

"Okay," Eric nods. "Okay…" Carter glances at him.

"Nervous?"

Eric rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand and sighs.

"I just keep thinking that if she says 'no' I'm going to kill myself or something," he grins uncertainly.

"She won't," Carter lays a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "She won't turn you down; how could she take away my opportunity to tease her for being Mrs Susan Wyczenski?"

"I really hope she doesn't," Eric replies, grimacing at his own surname. "So I'll get this one, right?" He points at one of many diamond encrusted rings of various designs.

"Yeah, yeah go for it," Carter looks again at his watch. "But hurry up, cos I've really got to go."

* * *

Richard Lockhart got just eight months in prison. Abby's divorce was cleared within the first three months since there was nothing she really wanted but her son – she barely had to see him.

After the eight months were up, however, he went out looking for her and for Ollie. Everywhere Abby went she was convinced she saw him: in every stranger's face, every shop and on every corner. She lost her appetite and couldn't sleep at night; pale and wracked with anxiety, she stayed up instead, watching over Ollie as he slept. It was true, he was looking for her and knowing this did not make life any easier for her.

However, after Abby had suffered many days without eating and several sleepless nights, word got around that, in actual fact, her ex-husband had moved out of Chicago for good. This, unlike so many rumours that float around in everyday life, was actually true.

John Carter watched with increasing relief as Abby began a quiet recovery that went unnoticed by most. It was only little things that he picked up on, things that eased the aching worry he always carried – it had grown heavier as he helplessly witnessed her paranoia-induced insomnia and rapid weight loss. But now things were looking up. He loved the way that she didn't jump at the slightest noise anymore; how her head didn't jerk up in a suspicious terror everytime somebody entered the room; how she didn't unconsciously flinch whenever somebody raised their arm in the air. Carter saw it all and slowly, steadily, old wounds healed over, aided by news of Richard's migration.

The truth is, Richard Lockhart found that, once out of prison, he could not go anywhere in Chicago without being attacked by random members of the general public, even those he had never seen before in his life. He gave up his futile search for a pointless revenge and was forced to move, not only out of Chicago, but out of Illinois altogether. The last anybody heard about him, he was living in a quiet town, for some reason, in South Dakota.

Now he sits on a bed whose springs creak in the most cliché way possibly – the sound to suit a lonely man. It got out of hand, his life, his everything. He had been angry, he had been tired, he had been drunk. Excuses were worth nothing. There was nobody to listen to them, anyway. It was a vicious circle. He had liked the power, when you get right down to the sick and rotten core of things, he had loved the power as he stood above her cowering figure in the semi-dark and decided whether he would leave her alone or keep going. Hands rub his older face; hands that are still peppered with various scars from – well – from when he beat his wife.

For God's sakes – he has a son. It was almost unreal. He had not been a bad person, not before, however he certainly was now. Everybody has a balance of good and bad in them, it's just how it is. Everyone is capable of doing things so hideously dark and twisted; we just tend to keep our balances in check, that's all. It got out of hand. It became easier to keep on, even when turning back was the better thing to do.

He is alone now with nothing left except fading memories. But even with that, for the life of him, he can't remember the last time he slept with someone whose bruised body didn't convulse with violent sobs. It does not matter. He is alone now.

The thing with Richard Lockhart is that, apparently, though he could happily abuse his wife for six dark years, he just could not take the constant violence from these people.

A few really stuck in his mind: one particularly furious lady who battered him with her own crutch, a woman who attacked him several times over whilst yelling Chinese profanities at him and some dark-haired foreign guy of a daunting height who really knew how to throw a punch.

It turned out that Abby had more friends than she thought.

* * *

Dr. John Carter is running as fast as he can. Stupid indecisive Eric, he thinks as he sprints across a gridlocked street and through the black wire gate of the ball park. He takes off his jacket in the June heat and scans the stands; one hand shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun and the other trailing the jacket across the dusty floor. The City of Chicago's Junior Baseball team have just finished their match and Carter is kicking himself for missing it. Still, he spots his favourite face in a crowd of people and politely pushes his way through.

"I hope you have a good excuse," she chides him with a grin.

"Yeah," Carter replies. "Stupid Eric couldn't pick a ring for Susan." She laughs a laugh that holds a newfound carefree quality.

"Oh well, it's sweet that they're going to get married," she comments.

"He's convinced she's going to say no, though," he answers as Ollie rushes up to greet them both. He's just had his eighth birthday which only just made him old enough to join the team.

"Hey, how was the game?" Carter kneels down to greet the little boy who removes his helmet to beam at him.

"We won and I hit a home run!" he delightedly chatters, eyes widened with the disbelief of his own success.

"Oh wow, I can't believe I missed it!" Carter enthuses. "Well I'll make it up to you, let's all go out to dinner- anywhere you want."

"Cool!" Ollie squeaks and takes Carter's hand. He holds his baseball helmet up to his mother. "Can you carry this for me?"

"John, will you get that? I kinda got my hands full here," she says as she cradles a brand-new, one-month old baby girl, Karrie, who giggles as Carter greets her with a kiss.

Carter takes the helmet off Ollie and hoists the boy up onto his shoulders.

"So where do you want to go, little guy?" he asks as he slips his arm around Abby's waist and they all walk out together. As Ollie decides, Carter looks down into Ollie's helmet and he can't help but smile slightly at the bold, black-marker letters that have been carefully written on the inside in a vain attempt to stop the eight-year old from losing it.

It now proudly states that it is the property of Oliver Elliot Carter.

- o -


End file.
